You're such a beautiful freak, I wish there were more like you.. You're not like all the others..

I'm in my room right now and feeling sad :/ I thought I'd just leave a message to a lot of people out there that I've hurt because of my stupid actions.. so here it goes..

I'm sorry for being such a cold, heartless bitch.
I've lied,
I've cheated on boys.. one in particular that I care so much for and loved so fucking much then tried to blame it all on alcohol+drugs and the guy (Who am I kidding? I should learn to say no..), I've backstabbed my friends,
I've bitched about people who look highly of me and are nice to me,
I've done stupid things to make boys like me,
I've lied about things to turn people against someone,
I've laughed at people who trust me enough with their problems/secrets,
I've been very untrustworthy..
And to be honest, before now..
I haven't cared.
Sadly this is part of the real me and my friends deserve better, maybe I shouldn't move back to Bexhill.. less people would get hurt that way.

Confessions:

Oscar-
I'm so sorry. I've cheated on you when I promised I wouldn't.. Obviously Jorge and Matt were right about me. I'm sorry that they were. I cheated on you in the worst possible way with someone and then lied about it to you.. and you still forgave me. You were right. You were a cunt to still like me. You really do deserve someone who wont cheat on you or lie to you. I'm sorry. I love you.

Hannah-
I'm sorry for being a bad friend and not believeing you at time with your secrets and such. I'm sorry for leaving you in St Richards to go to another group.. all because I fancied a guy in it. I'm sorry for leaving you when you've always stuck by me. I'm sorry for not taking the good advice you've given me.. I should have listened. I'm sorry for fighting with you and telling you I didn't need you. I do need you. Always have, always will. You deserve better.

Nikita-
I'll admit it. I have bitched about you. Mostly at the fact that I didn't see you as much as I wanted to when I came down. I'm so sorry. You deserve a better friend then me.

Lisa-
You've been nothing but nice to me.. yet I still bitched about you. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I wish I could take back what I said. I'm sorry.

Nathan-
You are an amazing guy. You're always so loyal to me and I honestly trust you with my life. I can't believe you still treat me so well and are still so nice to me after I've treated you like shit and said horrible things about you. I'm sorry I was a bad friend and a bad girlfriend. You're a great guy and you need to give yourself more credit for that. You also deserve better.

Parents-
I'm sorry I'm such a bad daughter. I've stolen money off you lots of times and you still forgive me. I make Jacobs life hell because in all honesty.. I truly hate him. I hate the way he's different. I hate the way he's overweight and the fact that he has Aspergers. It just makes me wish I had a normal brother and I'm sorry for that. And even through all that.. you still manage to love me. I'm sorry I take drugs, smoke and drink a lot. I'm sorry I lie to you about smoking and I'm sorry I smoke around Gracie.. putting her life at risk too. I treat you like shit yet you always forgive me. I'm sorry I'm here living instead of Joshua. I'm sure he would have been a much better child then me. He deserved to live, I don't :/ I'm so fucking sorry even though I don't show it :(

Tanya+Sabina-
I'm sorry I've believed Anthony over you at times.. I should have believed you. You've always been loyal to me and I never return that favour. I'm sorry, you can do better then me.

Anthony-
I'm sorry for what I just said. And I'm sorry for bitching about you. I wish you'd go back to how you used to be.. and I'm sorry for also saying that too.

Josh-
I'm sorry for being a bad girlfriend to you too.. I cheated on you with 5 different guys.. in both the times we dated.. I'm sorry I didn't push them away. I'm sorry for hurting you and talking about Oscar a lot when we were still kinda dating.. Sorry :(

Tim-
I'm sorry for blaming my cheating on Oscar all on you. It was both our fault. Sorry for then cheating on you with Oscar again.. It seems I can only screw up relationships.

Ailish-
I'm sorry for bitching about you so much to people. And I wish you'd hang around with Hannah more again. Hanging with those new people aren't good for you.. You've also changed and I'm sorry to say that. I still love you Ailish and I'm sorry for ever hurting you.

Sam-
I'm sorry you're such a dick. You tried to make me cheat on Oscar and when I pushed you away you went and told everyone I tried it on with you.. Thanks.

Matt-
Sorry for telling the truth and hurting you. I shouldn't have told you that stuff.. especially since it hurt Oscar too. I trusted you and you let me down, but I still can't stop being your friend because you're such a nice person.


I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt. You can hate me once you've read this and I'll understand. I just wish you wouldn't.