Diary Of A Dreamless Dreamer

Sorry you're not a winner

2009-03-13T12:23:00.001-07:00

This week has gone by really fast and it's been a lot better then last week. Last week went by so slowly and was so horrble :( The only bad thing about this week was Thursday and Friday.

My mum just said to me "Amy, why can't you just be normal?". A bit harsh I think. Why would I want to be normal anyway? Normal is boring and like everyone else. I want to be unique and different! She desperately wants me to be a normal girl. The ones with normal coloured hair, that like normal pop music, wearing skirts and dresses, who's hobbies are putting makeup on her mum and doing her hair and watch old and depressing TV programmes like 'Little house on the Prairie' with her.

Give me a break, like I'll ever be like that. I've got to feel bad for her though, when she expected a baby girl I'm sure she expected someone girly and feminine. And here she is with a bitchy, tom boyish, stroppy, emo, Anarchist who enjoys Rock music and is obsessed with Vampires. No wonder she wants me to change so bad, but it just isn't going to happen.

I'm thinking of writing a book or something. I've got nothing better to do here and it's a way to kill time untill I come back to Bexhill and see all my friends and actually be happy. Sounds good but I'm just too lazy to do it. But if I were to write a book it would be on Vampires for sure!

What a Shame

2009-03-05T14:11:00.000-08:00

What I need to remember:

JUST BECAUSE somebody flirts with you, doesn't mean they like you
JUST BECAUSE somebody likes you, doesn't mean they want to go out with you.
JUST BECAUSE somebody wants to go out with you, doesn't mean they love you.
JUST BECAUSE somebody loves you, doesn't mean they won't hurt you.

I'm Falling to Pieces

2009-03-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

It's ironic how when you're lonely, the entire world seems to be in love.

After breaking up with George (For the second time :/) I'm actualy really lonely again. So is a number of other people I've been talking to, but the one thing they said helps is music.

I agree with that, music does make you feel a lot better but sometimes it just makes the situation a lot worse. Like, if you listen to depressing music 8 out of 10 times you're going to end up even more depressed.

I don't get life, theres really no point. I guess we're just made to make babies and fight over land. I hate that money was invented, I get the point of it and I suppose the system sort of works.. in a twisted way.. but I just hate it. Why can't everything be fair? :(

Well anyway, on to love. Although I'm only 15 I really think I have experienced love. And it's horrible. I suppose I've only discovered the bad not-being-loved-back love though.

George said he loved me. I hate it when you find the perfect guy who genuinly loves you and wants to be with you forever, and you just dont feel the same way anymore. I have no idea whats wrong with me. It's like the only way I love them is if they refuse to love me. Why are girls like this? We're incapable of taking our eyes off the ones that wont love, and ignore the ones that are willing to love.

I'd love to meet my soul mate.. I honestly believe that there is someone for everyone out there who we were meant to be with.. like an other half. I like the idea of that, it's sweet. I'm only 15 but I'm already tired of trying to win other boys affections when they clearly don't want me. I'd love to meet my soul mate now. Though, then I'd have nothing to look for and be happy with when I'm older. Life is going to be so boring and I'm terrified of growing up :( I could party all my life and stay with my friends.. that would make me very happy. But then.. what else? There has to be more to life then just babies, money and friends.

Teenage emotions suck. Thank god we only have to go through this for like, 10 years. The only thing left after this to look forward to is a midlife crisis. That'll be fine though, I'll just buy a sports car or get a tattoo or something.

Girl I Know

2009-02-09T14:50:00.000-08:00

Wow, so I'm going back to Bexhill for a week in half term and I am amazingly hyped up for it :) I can't wait to go back and see my friendsss!! Seriously, they are AMAZING friends! I couldn't live without them and I mean that!You think your friends are good? Well mine are better, seriously you will never have better friends then mine! :DThey're are BEYOND amazing! And I am so looking forward to raping them again!

Snow Days-
So it's been snowing a lot lately right? At first I thought that was amazing news ! Since I haven't seen snow in years and it means I get days off school.. whats not to love? But I've realised the consequences of my ache for the frozen rain which ices the town so beautifully :)Just think of all the accidents snow has caused.. its killed a lot of people. It's like love.. it's beautiful for a while but in the end it just turns cold and bitter. Pretty grim view on snow and love I guess but it's just an example. But yeah, snow kills a lot of people.. which is bad evidently.So I started feeling guilty for wishing snow would visit :/ The other bad thing about snow is frost bite ! Ouch much! It's weird to think your body can get so cold that your body parts could just snap off so easily.. it's also pretty gross. I guess theres more bad things to snow then good things,but I still love it <3

Careers-
Okay, heres what I wan't to be when I'm older. I wan't to be a journalist and interview famous people ! It seems like an awesome plan ! Meet your idols and get to know them better AND get paid for it? Yes please xD But yeah, if that fails I have decided that I will gain about 20 stone and be one ofthose women that sit on men and get paid for a living. It's so odd! The way some men have that fetish of being sat on by extremely fat women... why on earth would you pay for that?! Order a Thai bride and get it for free ! But yeah the fat-sitting-on-men plan is my backup option.. and hopefully it won't come to that :)

A bit more serious xD (Yeah it's not a song title whatever)

2009-01-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

Woahh it's been a long time since I've wrote.
I have soo many new views on the worrlllddd <3

1) I watched The Young Ones yesterday, I bought the first season because I saw it on TV and it looked interesting, and it sounds weird but Rik Mayalls character 'Rick' in the show has really cool views on the world and the government and I mostly agree with all of them. I know the shows just trying to make fun of him and his views but they're really interesting xD He belives in Anarchism :) 'Anarchism is the political belief that society should have no government, laws, police, or other authority, but should be a free association of all its members'.

I think that idea could work.. apart from the criminals taking advantage of the world on the streets... other then that I totally agree. Tbh I never thought I'd take an interest in politics or anything like that, but I find it quite interesting xD Yes.. I am pretty boring and sad aren't I?

But anyway.

2) This isn't really a view on the world but after watching The Young Ones (Yes I'm too obsessed with this sitcom already), I really like old punk music like Nine below Zero and Madness. (If they're not 'old punk music' then forgive me xD)

3) I have decided what courses to take in Sixth form ! I'm going to take English lit and lang, Media Studies, Photography and Politics (If I can choose 4 courses that is...).
I think I'm going to end up being some sort of journalist when I'm older.. I'd hate to be one of those stalking papparazzi though.. urgh no way.

4) I really wan't to start being more active and less lazy.. I am so unbelievebly lazy and I am so bored of it ! Maybe I should get a hypnotist.. that would work? And it would mean less work for me.. but I guess that means I'm thinking lazy again >.> Either way I can't win!

5) I WILL start writing more letters to my friends and writing more entries for my blog ! I wan't to improve my creativeness god damn it !

Well anyways, I've got to go now because my dad who insists on making my life so complicated by landing chores on me at 10:28 at night, just when I'm about to straighten my hair, has called me downstairs to tidy my xbox room.
Yeah that's right I got an xbox for christmas :)

If anyone wants to add me on xbox live it's: amyholic

Bye :) x

Can't take my life tonniiight! Cause I have no right to die, I don't wanna!!!!!

2008-10-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

RARGH!!
New word! WOOT
I AM HYPER.
SO I AM WRITING A LIST OF SHIT THAT IM THINKING OF THAT I CANT BE BOTHERED TO PUT INTO PARAGRAPHS!

I love Avenged Sevenfold right now!! Brompton cocktail is an amazzing song and video! Check it out.. though it is a little scary.. theres drugs, sex, murder.. its fuckin epic!

VOTE OBAMA. McCain sucks!.. my dick.

BAYBEH! LOVE REALLY HURTS WITHOUT YHUU! That song is fawkin epic too! It's called Love really hurts without you- Billy Ocean.

I miss my friends :O

Why do some guys have to be so hot that they're just a cruel reminder that you'll never have a chance with them? WHYY?!

Oh my gawd. Im so horny LOL. I NEED ACTION. Any takers? You can be ugly!.. Or retarded!.. Or look like HARRY for all I care! Actualy no. I take that back. Harrys a facking muugins mate xD

I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT! Tanya ;) .. Sabina :D .. Nikita :O (Horny bitch! She so wanted it.. and she still wants it. JUST ADMIT YOU WANT ME GOD DAMN IT AND WE CAN GO OFF IN A BUSH AND HAVE FRANTIC SEX WHILE TANYA WATCHES!)

Twin action!

*Is putting my books in my bag ready to leave in Maths*
Maths teacher: Amy get them out!
Amy: Excuse me? :O

PEOPLE OF THE.. ST RICHARDS SCHOOL.. Don't hate Chess! She's sexy.

I ate chillis in Food tech today, they burnt my tounge :o Only me and Jack were brave enough to eat them

NEVER WANTED TO DANCE WITH NOBODY BUT CHOO.

Yeah most of this blog is me screaming out random lyrics lawlll.

I CRY ALOT LATELY CAUSE IM SAD.AND EMO.AND GOTH APPARENTLY.AND DEPRESSED.LETS ALL FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!
CAUSE YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIIIIN! SO NOW WHOS GONNA CRY FOR U? YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIIIIN! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! (Tis a song don't be offended! ;) )

So. um. How is everyone today? Or tomorow? Who knows if we'll even be here tomorow? A big purple cloud could come at anytime and eat us all and then spit us all out into the sea and then a big marshmallow could fall in the sea and suck up all the water and then all the fish would die but we'd be like woot! We're living! And then all the hippies and animal obsessive loving people would be like nuuu! And go hang themselves with one of them plastic ring can holders that environmentalists are always complaining about :O

Wowza. Suddenly, the world seems more interesting!
I am so good at these crappy excellent little stupid amazing theories!

On that note, I'd like to say that I want to bang Tanya. Even though I already have.

KTHXBAI

Love you all <3
Cept McCain. GDIAF* YOU FUCKIN ASSHAT!

Note:
*GDIAF: Go die in a fire.
*YHUU: The chavvy crappy totally pointless way of saying you in text type

Fawkin chavs. Ruining the planet with their smelly Burbery cologne/perfume.

Oh yeah, Bye.

Such a Lonely day should be banned

2008-10-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

I spent like, the whole day on World Of Warcraft today.. I am so lame.

And Jake had his retarded 'friends' over, the first one (Adam) was okay after a bit but the other one which I shall call shit face since I can't remember his name and he is a shit face, was a total, um ... shit face. Yeah, that sums him up.

My dad made us go for a walk in the country side too O_O I thought it would suck but I got to see some sheep so it went okay! :D

I tried to pet the sheep.. but they ran away and wouldn't let me pet them.. so I got angry and chased them :(

Stupid sheep.. well.. I didn't want to pet them anyway! They probably have fleas.. and rabies.. and AIDS and all that other shizz.

But they were so fluffy! :(

And and.. I watched 'An American Haunting' tonight. Oh my gawd, any movie like 'The Exorcist' scares the shit outta me! And my dad thought it would be funny afterwards to hide behind the curtains when I went out the room and jump out when I had gone back in the room and sat down and got comfy.. ruining my perfectly comfy state :(!

Needless to say, I screamed like a little girl and was not amused.

I thought I'd let you know that I have a nipple errection right now and it's really bugging me.. it kinda hurts :O It's the strangest nipple errection I have ever had :O

I went a day without wearing makeup today xD I feel proud!

I got some acne cream from the doctors too so I can get rid of my spots.. at bloody last too!

This was me today.. in the car.. cause I was bored xD

((No edits this time xP))

Boys and Girls ¬¬

2008-10-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well there seems to be a lot of love lately!
Not saying that's a bad thing.. I'm just saying its pretty annoying to see a happy couple smiling and making out everytime you turn around O_O
And I wonder why I feel lonely?

There also seems to be a lot of arguments at my new school lately.. about boys.
Fancying boys, your best mate flirting with the boy you like cause she can, people getting hurt by boys, people getting dumped by boys..
You know what?
Love isn't the problem.. boys are!

But yeah.. like I heard in some song lyric or something.. once you know what love is you never want to let it go..
Which I think is quite sweet :) Though depressing at the same time.
And I've just realised that wasn't a lyric.. it was from Jacks msn name lol..
My bad.

So anyways, my dad keeps talking a lot about letting me move back when I finish school.. and he's being serious this time..
He said him and my family are going to move to Italy, and he'll drop me off in Bexhill.
That makes me so happy :D
I think the fact that I've been totally miserable here, been threatened with councilling/been councelled for my depression, always use the fact that they made me move an argument and yeah..
I'm such a bad daughter :O
They say I only care about myself and that I'm shallow..
Well. I guess they're right then.

Well anyways my blog about boys are done.. for now!
I just feel like hitting random subjects at the moment.. so I might be writing a lot :)

Much love friends, family, known enemies, and unknown enemies..
I love you guys <3
(And to the other guys.. I will get revenge!)

>:)

Drive away (!)

2008-10-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

Okay well, right now I'm really liking Pimp My Ride. Though one thing I don't understand is why the presenter always tries to be so.. young.

My dad pointed it out.. I was watching it and he came in and started slagging off presenters (You get used to it with my dad.. he's always rinsing the piss out of TV programmes lol.. he hates the crappy american ones like 'Everybody loves Raymond'.)

So anyways.. the presenters always doing stupid hand actions and saying stupid young words/phrases like 'babe', '..man (after every sentance)', 'DUDDDEEE', 'yo', 'Easy, easy!', 'Gangsta', 'Listen up!, 'Super slick'...

NEED I GO ON?!

And have you heard the way they talk?
Seriously bad actors duuuhudde.
Lawl, Now everytime I watch it all I think about is their bad acting, stupid ways of speaking, their sad attempts to be younger and prove that they're still cool... and they're STUPID BLOODY HAND ACTIONS WHICH THEY KEEP DOING.
These programmes are driving me insane lately.

Good show though, check it out ;)

The band strikes up and they're playing our song, dressed in black and we're singing along to the.. broken hearts parade!

2008-09-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

Aha, I have Broken Hearts Parade by Good Charlotte in my head !
Ahhh it's been there for like, a week. My dad says that's the only thing in my head too :( lol Harsh maaann.

And I'm still ill!
Stupid cold!
Hehe, so far I've infected like.. 3 people!
I'm like a vampire! But without the cool blood sucking and such :(
I'd love to be a vampire! I find blood really cool :O It sounds weird but sometimes when I'm bored I prick my fingers and make them bleed then write with blood in a fountain pen.. it's awesome!

People get really freaked out! Teehee ^.^
I love being weird! :D

So anyway, theres like a 10% chance I may be moving back to Bexhill ^.^
I doubt it'll happen but I can keep pushing it!

I'm really into drawing lately, in TLC (Free period at school..) I draw things and then I have the staff come over and look at what I draw. I hate it when they come over and comment on it though :/ I hate it when people watch me when I draw! I drew an emo boy and one of the staff were like 'Ahh that's good. Is it you?' and I was like 'No! It's a boy! Are you saying I look like a boy? :O'. Hehe.

So anyways, heres some gossip/rumours:
1) Hannah gave Matt a handjob in History: False. Is not true :)
2) Louise was caught with her top up in the music room with Chris by 2 people :P
3) An on and off couple are back together.. again. Though they're keeping it a secret.
4) Finn and Charlotte fancy eachother.. when are they going to date? :O
5) Someones girlfriend (who've been together a long time now) cheated on her boyfriend.. AGAIN.. on holiday with someone :P It was only a kiss this time but cheating is cheating, right?

Well thats it for now.. not much I know but bear in mind I am living away ;)
Haha, I could be like a mini Perez Hilton!

I have no idea what I'm going to do with my hair lately.. should I dye it black again or leave it ginger? I am clueless!

That's all for now ;)

Voices of Violence :O

2008-09-18T04:17:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't written in a while, to be blunt it's cause I'm a lazy cow. Kay? :P

Anyways!

People have been arguing a lot lately! :O Like seriously.. why is everyone arguing so much this month? Though, I can talk cause I've been arguing on the Neon bebo page a lot teehee.

I'm gonna call this month 'The Great Depression' cause it is xD Hehe

Though I still manage to smile so it cant be that bad huh?

Well at the moment I'm ill! So I'm off school.. ahh I feel so lazy :( Never thought I'd feel guilty for skipping school tbh : It feels strange.. I don't like it!

Hehe, look what I found on Explosm! (I love that site)

Oooh how I love label humour ^.^ (As long as its not mean.. to emo's :P)

LOL That reminds me. I got shouted at the other day! I was walking my dawg to tesco and I was wearing tartan pants and these chavs behind me shouted 'Why are you in your pjama's!'

I turned round and said 'Cause saying that makes you so cool..'

I hate Chavs!

Anime!

I've been watching more while I've been ill.. am currently watching Full Metal Alchemist.. It's okay.. but I prefer Elfen Lied and Air TV anyday :) Air TV made me cry :O It's so sad :(

Arghh I have the worst headache ever! I blame.. God? No. Because he doesn't exist :) If he did I would curse him for being such a shit head.

I'm watching Black Xmas tonight xD Wish me luck! I heard it's scary hehe..

Bored now.

Byee byee!

P.S Gracies singing 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!'

Lmao That girls strangeee.

Must get it from her sister ;)

Such as it ends

2008-08-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Now that my rant is over.. for now.. I guess I should talk about something um, interesting.

:/

Breathings just a waste of time (8)
And that's true :/

But that's not very interesting is it?
No.

That's me being an emo twat.
This week is now going to be named 'The Great Depression'
Cause that's what it is. A fucking awful week of regret and depression.
But. I deserve it. So. I'll accept it.
I hate you.

But anyway..
Waffles:
'A waffle is a light batter cake cooked in a waffle iron patterned to give a distinctive and characteristic shape.'

Uhh, what's with the shape? It's so weird.. It has like.. loads of gaps.. what's with that? I mean, then they go and make things like 'A waffle iron'.
Huh? And.. how did they invent the waffle? Did they suddenly decide to make some sort of toast related snack and then were like 'Hey! Lets call it a waffle!'
People.. do enlighten me.

Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell...

2008-08-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

Argh!
I hate myself!!!!!
I WISH I WAS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIEEEEEEE U FAT SLAGGISH BITCH PEOPLE ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU AND ALL YOU'RE CAPABLE OF DOING IS HURTING OTHER PEOPLE CAUSE YOU'RE THAT PATHETIC.
I HATE YOU!!!!

Cause I can't stop loving you, No I wont stop loving you.. Why should I?

2008-08-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night and it pissed me off!
I dreamt that I was dating someone I liked (Obvious who) and then I woke up and I was all confused. I was like, did that just happen? It was so strange. It took me 10 minutes to work out that it didn't happen lol.

But anyways.
Oscars in A&E :O!
I almost cried when I heard that, I'm so pathetic lol.
He's done something to his leg though so I guess its not that bad.
Get well soon Oscar :)

Hmm.
My uncles come down for the weekend, and today..
I'm getting rid of half my rats :(
I have to give them to pet shops! In total I'm only allowed 2!!!
2! How stingy.
I've already chosen though, I'm going to put Twitch and Tampon up for adoption (I know. I'm shallow I only like them when they're young and cute) and I've chosen 1 bluey black rat (Like my hair colour! :D) and 1 completely white rat.
I haven't decided what I'm going to name them yet, but I want the names to be funny :D

Eeeep.
:)

All that I've got.

2008-08-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

Nathan wants me to write a happy blog about myself to stop sounding so fricken emo so um, I guess I could write a bit.
I'm feeling down again though so it's probably gonna turn out sounding emo.. lol.

I like to make people smile.
I like hugs.
I like how long my legs are.
I've been told my boobs are good (Y)
I like pretzels.

Yeah. Blog done.
:D

Haaaavee you heard the neeeewsss that you're dead?

2008-08-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

That's right. 2 Deaths have happened recently which have really upset me. I was so close to them both and I loved them so much! I just wish they didn't have to go :(

Yup.

My iPod and my laptop BOTH died! I mean wtf!
My iPod got put in the washing machine O_o (Argh stupid parents, they should learn to check pockets!)
And my laptop.. uh well I always turn it off by holding down the off button.. damaging the hardrive.. D'OH.

And nooowww I shall talk about my last blog.. I'm sorry it was so emo lol. And I'm sorry if it upset anyone.. I almost cried when Ailish told me she'd read it and decided to change and apologise and such. Unwanted result much? lol. I didn't even think she'd read it to be honest :O I was in such a depressing mood and I blame Hannah for this!

She sent me this song on msn called Beautiful Freak by The Eels. And she told me it reminded her so much of me and how much she means to me! I cried lol. I was in such a crying mood last night.. oh and then later on It didn't get better.. I'll explain that in a minute though.

Heres the lyrcis to the song:
Youre such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
Youre not like all of the others
And that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
That is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Some people think you have a problem
But that problem lies only with them
Just cause you are not like the others
But that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Yeah that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Too good for this world
But I hope you will stay
And Ill be here to see that you dont fade away
Youre such a beautiful freak
I bet you are flying inside
Dart down and then go for cover
And know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak,
You know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Such a sweet song (:
Ooh but anyways, heres what happened last night.

Well! There I was downstairs on the computer since my laptops broked (*cry*), smoking a cigarette when I heard noises from upstairs. Usually I would have payed no attention but I wasn't in the mood to risk it. I had a plate full of ash in front of me so I quickly scooped up the ash and hid it in a bowl next to me. I then stubbed out the cigarette quickly and put it in my pocket along with my backy and lighter. About 2 minutes later, BAM. My mum opened the door (quite loudly.. it scared the shit outta me.) She said:
'Amy you left the tap on in the kitchen and.. *sniffs* what's that smell?'
Me: Uhh what smell? I don't smell anything.
Mum: I smell smoke.. what have you been doing?
Me: Nothing. *Goes into the kitchen and peeks round to see that mum is looking around my desk for evidence
Mum: Amy. What's in this bowl..
Me: Wha? In what bowl?
Mum: This one
Me: Oh.. its.. insence.
Mum: Insence? It doesn't smell like insence..
Me: That's cause I lit a match to light it so it smells a bit weird.
Mum: Oh well.. we'll talk about this tomorow. Go to bed now.

Gawwwd that was a close break.
HA no offence but shes a little bit brown haired (not blonde Ailish :) ) if she seriously thought that was insence.
But oh well, at least she believed it :/

How ironic.

Um bored now and the Ball family are coming round to visit my mum so she has me running around the house, tidying up and cleaning to pretend we live in a house that is actualy clean.. HA. But seriously that smoking thing with my mum fucking scared me and I'm gonna quit smoking soon lol.

ANAL

You're such a beautiful freak, I wish there were more like you.. You're not like all the others..

2008-08-27T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'm in my room right now and feeling sad :/ I thought I'd just leave a message to a lot of people out there that I've hurt because of my stupid actions.. so here it goes..

I'm sorry for being such a cold, heartless bitch.
I've lied,
I've cheated on boys.. one in particular that I care so much for and loved so fucking much then tried to blame it all on alcohol+drugs and the guy (Who am I kidding? I should learn to say no..), I've backstabbed my friends,
I've bitched about people who look highly of me and are nice to me,
I've done stupid things to make boys like me,
I've lied about things to turn people against someone,
I've laughed at people who trust me enough with their problems/secrets,
I've been very untrustworthy..
And to be honest, before now..
I haven't cared.
Sadly this is part of the real me and my friends deserve better, maybe I shouldn't move back to Bexhill.. less people would get hurt that way.

Confessions:

Oscar-
I'm so sorry. I've cheated on you when I promised I wouldn't.. Obviously Jorge and Matt were right about me. I'm sorry that they were. I cheated on you in the worst possible way with someone and then lied about it to you.. and you still forgave me. You were right. You were a cunt to still like me. You really do deserve someone who wont cheat on you or lie to you. I'm sorry. I love you.

Hannah-
I'm sorry for being a bad friend and not believeing you at time with your secrets and such. I'm sorry for leaving you in St Richards to go to another group.. all because I fancied a guy in it. I'm sorry for leaving you when you've always stuck by me. I'm sorry for not taking the good advice you've given me.. I should have listened. I'm sorry for fighting with you and telling you I didn't need you. I do need you. Always have, always will. You deserve better.

Nikita-
I'll admit it. I have bitched about you. Mostly at the fact that I didn't see you as much as I wanted to when I came down. I'm so sorry. You deserve a better friend then me.

Lisa-
You've been nothing but nice to me.. yet I still bitched about you. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I wish I could take back what I said. I'm sorry.

Nathan-
You are an amazing guy. You're always so loyal to me and I honestly trust you with my life. I can't believe you still treat me so well and are still so nice to me after I've treated you like shit and said horrible things about you. I'm sorry I was a bad friend and a bad girlfriend. You're a great guy and you need to give yourself more credit for that. You also deserve better.

Parents-
I'm sorry I'm such a bad daughter. I've stolen money off you lots of times and you still forgive me. I make Jacobs life hell because in all honesty.. I truly hate him. I hate the way he's different. I hate the way he's overweight and the fact that he has Aspergers. It just makes me wish I had a normal brother and I'm sorry for that. And even through all that.. you still manage to love me. I'm sorry I take drugs, smoke and drink a lot. I'm sorry I lie to you about smoking and I'm sorry I smoke around Gracie.. putting her life at risk too. I treat you like shit yet you always forgive me. I'm sorry I'm here living instead of Joshua. I'm sure he would have been a much better child then me. He deserved to live, I don't :/ I'm so fucking sorry even though I don't show it :(

Tanya+Sabina-
I'm sorry I've believed Anthony over you at times.. I should have believed you. You've always been loyal to me and I never return that favour. I'm sorry, you can do better then me.

Anthony-
I'm sorry for what I just said. And I'm sorry for bitching about you. I wish you'd go back to how you used to be.. and I'm sorry for also saying that too.

Josh-
I'm sorry for being a bad girlfriend to you too.. I cheated on you with 5 different guys.. in both the times we dated.. I'm sorry I didn't push them away. I'm sorry for hurting you and talking about Oscar a lot when we were still kinda dating.. Sorry :(

Tim-
I'm sorry for blaming my cheating on Oscar all on you. It was both our fault. Sorry for then cheating on you with Oscar again.. It seems I can only screw up relationships.

Ailish-
I'm sorry for bitching about you so much to people. And I wish you'd hang around with Hannah more again. Hanging with those new people aren't good for you.. You've also changed and I'm sorry to say that. I still love you Ailish and I'm sorry for ever hurting you.

Sam-
I'm sorry you're such a dick. You tried to make me cheat on Oscar and when I pushed you away you went and told everyone I tried it on with you.. Thanks.

Matt-
Sorry for telling the truth and hurting you. I shouldn't have told you that stuff.. especially since it hurt Oscar too. I trusted you and you let me down, but I still can't stop being your friend because you're such a nice person.

I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt. You can hate me once you've read this and I'll understand. I just wish you wouldn't.

I'm so alone.. here on my own.. (8)

2008-08-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

Lifes pretty screwed up at the moment lol.
I'm so god damn lonely in Cheltenham and things just seem to suck.
I've realised what a bad person I am lately and I kinda want to change.. half of me can't be asked cause I'll always have lazy Amy inside me :P But the rest of me wants to stop being so slutty and disloyal.
I WILL change! But untill then.. I shall continue living my life in sadness and continious alcohol consumption :) What big words right?

And oh, before I start blogging more.. heres a very attractive picture of one of my best mates Hannah :) I told you I'd put it on my blog :P

Lmao I love this girl!

She's always been there for me no matter what I've done :) She even offers to help me roll fags when she hates me smoking.. what a true friend :D Love you!

So anyways, I went to Spain on holiday and it was hot. Very hot. I ate pretzels and gained weight. Lifes a bitch! Or is it karma? Well that doesn't matter. What matters is I have to lose this weight! But yeah.. like I said earlier I'll change later.. too lazy right now xD

My dad got the most awesome sun burns on holiday.. because he's fat (ha) when he sits down his fat rolls over! And.. How about I stop describing and show you the pictures? Yeah, that sounds good ^.^

And yes. My dad is a complete retard lmao.
Oh and it was my Mums 40th birthday on the 20th August.. Happy birthday her :) She hit 40 yet she really doesn't look it :D

The best songs ever:
Forever- Papa Roach
Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off- Panic! at The Disco (When they were actualy good..)
Your love is a lie- Simple Plan
Date Rape- Sublime
When Two Are One- Atreyu
57- Biffy Clyro

They're the best songs ever cause they're actualy the odd couple of songs that I can never get tired of listening to :)

Likes at the moment:
My new purple skinnies!
Looking like an emo :)
Cigarettes
My rats! I'm not scared to hold them again! :D
How nice my friends can be :)

Hates:
Guys who are players
Guys who are cocky
Guys who lie to you and say they'll help you when they turn someone against you
(Hannah will know who that guy is >.>)
Parents !
Cheltenham :(
Being lonely
Headaches !
Nearly running out of backy !

Oh how interesting my life is.
Anyone want a bagel?
Though I've never actualy liked bagels, I think they're quite gross tbh. They're real rubbery and they taste like.. bread.
I like pretzels though.. me and Hannah went to Chellyham town and we bought those big pretzels you get. Was the first time I had a big pretzel.. they're awesome! ^.^
And so are my new pink skinnies.

I really want a job.. but who's going to hire a moody, arrogant, little emo kid with no work experience? ...McDonalds! I don't really care about working at McDonalds.. even though it's apparently the worst job in the world.. it cant be that bad if you get free food ;)

I have such a headache.. and the rats wont stfu.. I saw them humping a while ago O_o Greaat more rat babies. Oh when are my parents going to bed? I want a cigarette.

Oh and I have another holiday quote.. guess I'll quote one per day.
You know in other countries when people advertise their bars and restaraunts by getting people to run up to you in the street and say stuff like 'Are you guys eating out tonight? You should come to this restaraunt!' yeah anyways heres what happened..
*People run up to me and my family in the street and ask us to come to their restaraunt*
Me: *After a couple of people I turn to my dad and say* It's like people are finally talking to me!! :D

Yeah.. it's funny when it happened lol..
And now um..
Bai.

As dust dances :/

2008-08-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging a lot lately- had a lot of stuff going on :)
But anyways.. the holidays are nearly over!
After they end I think an anti booze/fag detox is in order.. but I still have like 10 days left ;)

I really can't be bothered to write that much..
Went on holiday to Spain and it was fun..
Heres some quotes from me and my family..

Dad: (Talking about my baby sisters seatbelt) Is it in yet?
Me: Yeah, I bet you hear that a lot

(In the car)
Mum: Can you hear that?! Shh! Do you hear those cricket bugs?
Me: Yeah I can hear them
Dad: But it's..
Mum: Sh! Listen!
Dad: *Turns off engine* Oh no they've gone!
*Turns engine back on* Oh! Our little friends have come back!
*Turns off engine again* Aww and now they're gone again
(It doesn't sound funny there but he rinsed the piss outta my mum LOL)
((Oh, and the car engine was crap so it made weird noises which sounded like cricket bugs.. lol))

You know what? I can't be fucked cause it's 03:01AM exactly and I'm bloody tired!
I'll write the rest tomorow!

I'll get over you, I know I will. I'll pretend my ships not sinking.. and I'll tell myself 'I'm over you!' Cause I'm the king of wishfull thinking'

Yeah, me and Oscar broke up.
Feel depressed for me :)

xx

Big Girls Don't Cry.. Usually..

2008-08-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

Heyy :)
Well my holiday in Bexhill finished :(
Time to be depressed again !
But I'm not blogging about my depressiveness xD
Hannahs sister Carolann has a friend called Chloe (who I've never met before) who's read my blog and she thought it was so sad she actualy cried :O
If Chloe's reading this.. please don't cry! lol
I don't want people getting sad over my writing I want to make people smile!
I'm obviously not doing such a good job :P
But yeah, sorry for making you cry lol.
xXx :)

Love Buzz

2008-08-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

Since now it’s the summer holidays I guess I’ll blog about my holidays :) I haven’t got any bloody thing else to do! Since I didn’t get any homework at my new school (woot!) I suppose this could be like, a project for me? :)

Well, the first week of my holiday was spent moping inside, doing nothing and being depressed (rule of 3; Mrs Leggatt would be proud ;) ).

The 2nd week? SO much better :) Okay, so it’s only been 2 days of the 2nd week.. but it’s already so awesome! I went back down to Bexhill as you may have known.. and so far I love it! Gawd I miss Bexhill so much.. It makes me sad to think how I never appreciated how nice the beach and the sea is.. and how great my friends are. I really did take Bexhill and it’s people for granted.

Hopefully I can be a much better friend now to my old and new friends!

So, I set off for Bexhill on Saturday and I arrived there at about 4pm. I know I said I was on the 2nd week but it’s basically the 2nd week.. lol. Anyways, the first person I met up with is one of the most important people in the world to me, Hannah Louise Fred Wilson :) She’s seriously like a bitchier, bossier and older sister to me.. even though she’s younger than me :P If she’s reading this (Which she isn’t because she bravely admitted to me she couldn’t be bothered with reading blogs :P) then I want her to know that I love her so fucking much and that I seriously couldn’t live without her! I mean, who would straighten my hair when I have really bad hair days?!

After I met with Hannah (Oh, and her boyfriend/my fuck buddy Jack was there too.. please note he’s not seriously my fuck buddy.. :P), I met up with Oscar :) Oscar is another person who I seriously would hate to live without.. he’s seriously such a great guy. He’s so perfect and he could do much better than me and why is he with me? I’ll never know either! But I won’t turn this into some emo blog about how my boyfriend would probably cheat on me and how he could get much hotter girls :P I doubt he’s also reading this too.. because I told him not to EVER read my blog again! But if he is, he should know.. STOP READING MY BLOG, and I love you so much Oscar :) I’ve never felt this way about someone before and I really don’t what I’m going to do when we’re apart again :(

Then we hung about, made out with our boyfriends, I gave Oscar a hicky (lol xD), Hannah and Jack walked home together and then me and Oscar waited for our parents to pick us up together (aha, aren’t we wild?). I met up with Hannah and Shannon the next day and we went shopping.. then later we met up with Oscar again. We went to the beach :) And fuck, are there enough foreign people?! And I’m not even joking, they ALL stared at Hannah’s tits and Shannon’s ass. I just sit there thinking, yeah nothing unusual here then. Them 2 getting checked out and me getting ignored.. but I’m used to it :P hehe.

Me and Oscar got stared at a lot.. he looks like a girl from behind because he has long hair (LOL), so everyone thought we were lesbians lmao. They kept looking round when me and Oscar were kissing, I ended up shouting ‘He’s a guy! He has a dick!’. And to prove that point, I grabbed it.. which hurt him quite a bit hehe.

More things happened and it made me even more in love with Oscar, I’m so heartbroken I’ve found a guy like him and then I had to move like 3 million miles away from him! Karmas a bitch! And now I’m sitting here while my parents are out, with a bottle of wine and loud music ;) I love Bexhill so much.. even if I did get totally burnt :P

Oh yeah, I went out today with loooads of people too hehe. To the beach.. and I lost my camera! :D And that’s why I’m burnt ;) No not the camera, the sun. Oh great the parents and twat face is back.. twat face being my fugly brother :P My holiday at Haven ends tomorrow! Yeah I stayed at Haven for like.. 3 days J It was awesome! I had a sleepover and me, Hannah and Shannon (who were sleeping over) went to the club at night. We mainly took the piss out of the people who were acting in the shows.. and then we stared at the hot bartenders.. we asked ourselves how the HELL we hadn’t seen these gorgeous guys before!

Please note, we’re extremely happy with our boyfriends and we all love them so much :)

Sorry this is turning into an essay.. wasn’t really planning on writing this much but hey, it’s something to do.

Sabina looked so beautiful today when I saw her. Sorry for sounding like a lesbian.. hehe. She has the most amazing tan, she’s really pretty and she has a great figure. I’m so jealous of her hehe.. but even with her amazing looks and such, she’s still such a nice person.. and I’m so proud of her for that :)

Holy shit.. it’s fucking raining so hard here! Where’d the sun go?! It was kinda weird actually.. Stan by Dido and Eminem came on while I was writing and then it rained! (Ironic because there’s rain noises in the song).

At the moment, I love life! Great boyfriend, great friends, great hair colour!

Well I’m sleepy and full of popcorn so I’m gonna stop writing now. If any of my friends take the time to read this then thank you for being such amazing friends and you really don’t have to read this hehe. It’s more of a boredom solver/stress relief project for me :) I love you all so much!

Give 'Em Hell, Kid -.-

2008-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

I had my hair cut :)

At last hehe.. I'm sure everyone was pretty sick of the countless polls and pictures I had asking for hair advice..

But now for the moment we've all been waiting for!

My new hair!

The fat kid behind me is my brother..

Told ya he was chubby and had no life (Y)

To be honest my hair isn't that much different aha :L But oh well.. might grow it long next time and go for a scene kid hairstyle ;)

I swear I get it cut shorter and shorter everytime it gets cut.. you just wait I'll be bald the next time I get it cut aha :)

A list of things that ultimately suck:
1) Controlling Parents.. Oscars mum for example, is a total controlling bitch who needs to stop juding people.. just because you're sexually active doesn't make you a total slut..
2) Great music you've killed.. You find an amazzing song and you play it too much and then you just get so sick of the song!
3) Makeup Application (Big word ;) aha).. I got some lush new makeup and I can't even put it on properly :L
4) Parents who wont shut up.. Mum please stfu :)
5) Being Used.. Oooh we'll get revenge people.. we'll get revenge >:)

They were just some things on my mind that some people can relate to :)

I think I have door OCD! Everytime I'm in a room the door HAS to be closed! Otherwise I can't sit in it :L Oh wait.. the doors open now.. hold on!

Okay NOW I have door OCD ;) I'm gonna google it actually.. oh google <3>

Okay. So I look more like a muslim.. but you get the idea ;)

Anyone doing anything nice in the holidays? Yes, No, Maybe so? :D

I'm going to Bexhill for 2 weeks in 2 days ;) Can't waitt!! And then after I'm going on holiday to somewhere hot!

I'm permanently dying my hair black tonight :) I know it's allready black but this is a new colour! It's bluey black.. so it either shines blue or its like I dunno.. lol. Pretty :)

Anyone wanna talk? I'm so bored and I'll be nice! :D I'm a nice person! Sometimes.. ;) Hehe

Anyway, what to write.. I could write a parent lecture? Doubt anyone would read that though :P So I guess I'll just write about something random since thats more my stizyle ;) Aha.. new word! Oh I know! I'll make a list of words I've made! :D

Amy's Words© =
1) Heylo
2) Thankies
3) Okies
4) Jizzrag
5) Muchethly
6) Loveage
7) Secks Box
8) Eep

Can't think of anymore >.> Will keep you posted with them ;)

Oh, and the blog title is linked to the lectures and shit we get off parents :D

What's My Age Again?

2008-07-23T05:28:00.000-07:00

I promised more dumb conversations so here they are ;)

My Msn Name Said: Booze/Fag/Weed Deprived :(
Then Nathan said to me: You're not fag deprived, you talk to me all the time

Nathan: Eat the damn chocolate goddamit amy or god forbit i will cover my cock in it and head rape you!
Me: Well i wont be eating the chocolate now then ;)

Finn: Oh so you're trying to get in shape for ____ then? ;)
Amy: No, actually. I'm trying to get in shape for Oscar.. and if Oscar gets boring any other person ;)
Finn: LOL
Amy: I'm joking though!

Amy (Explaining what rainbow kiss is): ..and then they makeout and like slush the cum and period around...
Maria: EW!
Amy: ..Like a smoothie! :D

Amy: im just gonna sit here, eat chocolate biscuits and laugh at himm... and cyber with u ;) So..
Hannah: Lmao
Amy: What you wearing? ;)
Hannah: well if yuu must know im wearning those see through angel thongs and a yellow bra and sitting like that in my bedroom cuz its so bloody hot nd its bout to get hotter ;)
Amy: Ahh ;) and i wanna rip them off you with my teeth.. and then.. chain you to the bed.. and then.. make you eat a banana and..
Hannah: lol..wtf?
Amy: *slaps you* EAT IT BITCH... I dunno. LOL
Hannah: Hmmm.... kinky cyber sex.. love it ;) Lmao Say my name bitch say it!
Amy: ... OSCAR!... Oh shit. I mean.. uh.. Hannah!
Hannah: OMG AMY!! :O Oscar?! Whos Oscar?!
Amy: Uh..
Hannah: hmm amy who is he? who is he? yuu tld me i was the onli one :(
Amy: You are babes :( He's just my bit on the side.. it's not you.. it's me! <3?
Hannah: yuu said yuu loved me and tht i was the best yu'd ever had and tht i satisfied yuu :( wt happened?
Amy: I swear our conversations are getting weirder and weirder everyday : lmao

Hannah (Said this to her bf on msn thinking it was him): Im nt in love i just wanna be touched
(Person she thought was her bf): Its sam and jak aint imprerssed u wanna be touched by me lol
Amy: 2 for 1? xD

I'd write more but Naths being a fag and saying he wants to read it but he's getting his hair dyed soon :P

More to come ;)

And yeah, me and my friends talk about sex wayy too much :P

For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took...

2008-07-18T04:44:00.000-07:00

I think I'm due a blog now, so here it goes (Y)...

Oh wait. More things you should know:

1) I am actualy addicted to Nutella :/ I bought another jar and ate half in a night :O Lmao

2) Arghh I just wan't to be different.. I need a new hairstyle and a new look (Y)

3) I got my nose pierced again.. 3rd time lucky? :D

4) I think I talk about myself to my friends wayyy too much :S Sorry guys!

5) I've decided to show the world my face.. without makeup! Time to show whats behind the protective goop ^.^

And here is the no makeup picture...

Yuck. Shan't be taking another one of those photos again but I'm gradually becoming less fake and more clean :)

So with the lack of alcohol, fags and makeup.. I'm cleaner! :D

I just want to eat healthier now and all will be well.. apart from the fact I'm missing Bexhill and its people like crazzzyy. And when I say people I mean my friends and Oscar.. mainly Nikita, Sabina, Tanya, Tom and Anthony (Y)

But of course I love the rest of you ;)

Strange blog title but relevant (Y) Shan't explain much more about that :)

Its only 5 days now till I see my friends again in Bexhill.. can't wait! I get to uncleanify my body again with booze and fags and weed! lmao. Meh, I'll be healthy another time :P Seize the day and what not.

Anyways... Youtube ;) I'm thinking of making an account and like, reading my blogs out or whatever instead of typing it.. would make it easier/funner :) I doubt I'd have the guts/non-laziness to do that though. My blogs aren't very interesting for people to read anyways, it's more stress relief :)

I found my twin today :O There I was looking through google at emo hair styles when this girl pops up on the screen... and she looks a lot like me :O I put her as my dp on msn and people actualy thought she was me.. greeat they forgot what I look like already? :P Or does she really look that much like me? Well here she is anyways..

If you've seen other pictures of me you would notice how alike we look.. I'd add another pic of me but I'm far too lazy and since it's 1:20am in the morning I'm quite tired :)

I've been in a really I-Wanna-Do-Something-Really-Stupid mood lately.. not like harmful stupid! Like.. Jackass stupid ;)

URGH This nose stud is getting on my nerves allready. It's like I've got a twig up my nose.. I mean wtf! It itches and it hurts! But it looks awesome ;) I hope :O

So... I put up furniture today.. :D Yeah my life sucks LOL.

Arghh what am I going to look forward to once I've been to Bexhill? Seriously. Life is so boring :/ I feel a depressing mood coming on.. I think I'll go eat a cookie. But no. We have no cookies and if we did there would still be none left cause my fugly brother would have eaten them all. He's actualy so fat (Y)

Ah ha I took a picture of him see...

What a lard ass.

;)

Night night people! :D Sleep well and... tip your waitress? O_o

Yeah.. that'll do...

<3?

Just So You Know (Y)

2008-07-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

I'll start this post with a random list of things I've learnt this month :)

1) It's nice to see your boyfriend be jealous of you talking to another guy, but it's not nice getting jealous over him talking to another girl :(
2) There is a serious difference between love and lust.
3) I'm bloody addicted to grapes! I've eaten 3 whole packets so far this week -.- I have a problem.. lol
4) I've learnt to think before I say/type :) And wow it's weird! lol Better... but weird.
5) You have to do things you hate for people sometimes to show them that you really love them :)
6) Papa Roach actualy made an album that has nearly all decent songs :) (Paramour Sessions.. check it out ;) )
7) I can actualy get bored of The Sims 2..
8) My friends and Oscar are the only people to keep me sane in this town.
9) To be more trustworthy :)
10) To stop expecting so much from people.

I know that list wasn't as exciting as you would have wanted it to be, but I guess I don't learn much exciting stuff :P
I don't learn much really, well from school I suppose I do, but life lessons? Nah.

Right now I'm eating Nutella.. (Chocolate spread) And the whole 400g tub has 2060 calories in it! WTF, why does such bad food have to taste so good? This is god punishing us for Adam and Eve eating fruit in Genesis..

Yeah that didn't make sense at all lol. And I don't believe in religion which makes it even weirder O_o And if they ate fruit and God wanted to punish them, then why make other food worse to eat? He should have made fruit like really fatty or poisonus or something.. why wreck all the other food? Asshat.

But anyways I've eaten about 1/4 of the tub of Nutella today which is 530 Calories.. oh shit lol. I'm gonna start going to the gym I think. Then I can at least eat all the junk I want and burn some of it off :)

My dog got fixed yesterday! (Y) Poor thing lmao. All he does since is whine and moan and try and lick his balls. But he has a cone on his head so he cant.. I actualy lmao'd when I saw him.. I shouted 'CONE HEAD LOL' and then got told off cause it upsets the dog..

Yeah he'll get over it xD

So today, I decided to try wearing a thong...
LOL
To be honest it's actualy not that bad (Y) You don't really notice it and it's not as bad as it sounds :) I'd wear them again but I much prefer girl boxers and hawt pants :)

I should be a reviewer in my spare time hehe.. I have a lot of spare time now :/ I'm just wondering if I'm going to actualy do those diets I talked about in my other post.. hehe We'll have to wait and see :)

Well I suppose that's all for now. Cept please can you all be a dear and do this blog :)
I really want to know if I should have my hair done like that... But really, what's the point? No ones gonna see it... :/ Never really thought of that before.. But heres the link anyway.

http://www.bebo.com/PollView.jsp?MemberId=122710598&PollId=7449888225

Issues

2008-07-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

Well that was a pretty fucked up week.

Too many arguments and too much boredom >.>

But lets hope this week will be better :)

((And Happy Week Anniversery to me and Oscar for yesterday (: ))

Now, on to the blog...

I have a 7 week holiday and it started today. I am so bloody bored already wtf am I going to do? I'll probably just stay in and eat and go on msn and be depressed. You just wait, I'm gonna get fatter and fatter untill I can't even get out the house.. I'd actualy laugh if that happened though.. well actualy I don't think I would but thinking about it now its funny :P

Just 12 more days till I come and visit Bexhill, I never thought I'd actualy move. I hate this town it fucking sucks. Theres so many emos and skater and people who have lots in common with me but I'd rather be with all the chavs in Bexhill! Least I'd have my old mates there.

On to happier topics now :) I'm gonna get my eyebrows plucked soon! You'd laugh if you saw both of them at the same time. I plucked them but then I got lazy so I did a crap job and now they both don't match... but I just thought fuck it and left it because I have a side fringe so you only see one :P So when I come down.. people please don't lift up my fringe ! I'll look like a total asshat (I love that word :P)

Well guess what the weather was like today? :D

Raining! Wow, you don't need to be psychic to guess that. It always bloody rains here! I used to love the rain but now it's just boring and I miss the sun :( I liked the way it also used to make my ginger hair glow ^.^ But now my hairs black.. I'm getting pretty bored of the colour actualy.. I might dye it chocolate brown next. I love that colour :)

I wanted to get my lip pierced over the summer holiday but my dads being a twat and saying I'm only allowed to get it done when I'm 18... FUCK THAT. Last year he said 16 anyways! He's actualy such a twat. I'm getting my nose repierced though (Y) And when I move back to Bexhill when I'm 16 I'll get my lip pierced then :P If my dad says I'm allowed a tattoo when I'm 16 then why wont he let me get my lip pierced you ask? Well, It's because HE thinks they're gross.. what an asshat.

Anyways I might have my hair cut short...er.

Heres the pic, please tell me what you think I'll add a picture of me too so you can compare :)

Because Days Come And Go...

2008-07-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

Don't really know what to write about really. Usually I'm full of ideas but today I'm stuck :O Havent wrote anything in a couple of days- too lazy really :P Now on to the blog!...

My Current Obsessions:
1) Flavoured Water (I drink like, a big bottle a day :O)
2) Oscar (Of course ;) )
3) Lead Sails (And A Paper Anchor)- Atreyu
4) When Two Are One- Atreyu
5) Your Love Is A Lie- Simple Plan
6) Save It For The Bedroom- You Me At 6
7) The Word 'Jizzrag' ;)
8) Writing (Even though I can't be asked to do it most of the time hehe..)
9) Atreyu
10) Baking (That's right! Amy can cook! But yeah, I burnt quite a lot of stuff :/)
11) Flowers!<3

What an interesting list, if you are reading this you have no life.. like me! Wow we have something in common (Y)

Right now I'm watching The Grudge and Jacob won't shut his fat obese hench (In a fat way) overweight flabby ugly mouth!! Yeah, he's fat. This is some of the stuff he's eaten today: 6 Jaffacakes, 3 Cookies, Chocolate Milkshake, Dinner (He has an adult portion.. I don't even have that ffs!), 4 Rice crispie cakes, 3 Other biscuits and more. He's so fucking fat! And oh my god, it annoys me how FAT his ass is! And he sticks it out when hes on the computer (which he's on ALL day). I'm gonna take a photo of him sitting like that and put it on here so you see what I mean!

So I start my holidays tomorow. I didn't go to school today or yesterday because I was too lazy.. I don't mind school but I HATE the rain here. It rains EVERYday loads, its making my hair frizzy and It's pissing me off! Is there like something that'll make your hair stay straight ffs! :

Love!
'The word love has many different meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (ideals, family). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. ...'
Well, would I die for Oscar? Thats the question ;)
Well personally I don't think that means anything because I would die for another person (Y) Or maybe I'm just not afraid to die :/ Emo much?

Why do Japanese people always have awesome hair? Seriously! I'm watching The Grudge like I said earlier, and EVERYONE has good hair! It's not fair :O I think I could look Japanese, I'd get like a Japanese skin coloured spray tan, put fuck loads of eyeliner and tah dah! I already have black hair too :P Maybe I'll do that for like a costume party hehe (Y)

Gawd now my mums obsessed with flowers, she's got like 3 vases of flowers in here, she put 2 in my room, 1 in the bathroom (Like, wtf!), 1 in the livingroom, 1 in her bedroom and she's probably put one in the bloody conservatory. Psycho mum, much!

Oscar is hott <3

The End...for now!

Starting Over...

2008-07-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

So I just had my first day of school at Teweskebery.
Oh my fucking god, it's like Bexhill High!
Not to be a reviewer but I noted some things down :) :
!) You're allowed to wear as much makeup as you want and whatever colours, so you could wear bright green eyeshadow if you wanted :O
!) You rarely get homework- and if you do no one ever does it..
!) You don't have journals..
!) You're allowed as many pirecings as you want + you're allowed to wear face piercings..
!) People rarely do the class work
!) You're allowed to listen to your mp3s in class! People ask the permission of the teacher though
!) People use phones in class
!) People wear trainers, lots and lots of jewlery and accesories and own clothes over/under their uniform.
!) Students swear in front of/at the teachers and don't get in trouble and are allowed to..
!) People eat in class..
!) You're allowed to dye your hair any colours that aren't really that bold like pink.. and you're allowed highlights and your hair down.
!) Boys are allowed long hair
!) You can wear skinny pants (<3!)
!) You're allowed chewing gum
!) No community service :P
!) Teachers don't show up to lessons and you end up changing classs rooms and doing 'work' with year 8's...
!) Teachers DEFINATLY can't control their classes...
!) Only punishment is to sit somewhere else no matter how bad the students been..
!) Some of the teachers are fucking pervs! My science teacher stares at all the girls tits so obviously! :O They call him titty-watcher lmao
!) You don't learn ANYTHING
!) Teachers don't care if you do/don't do work.

Heaven much? Lmao.
I met a group of people, they seem really nice. Theres Kerry, Gage, Ashley, Louise, Emily, Katie, Toby... Can't remember the rest lmao.
I tried :P

Oh my god, everyone in this city is emo/rocker/skater. I'm not even joking. Theres no room in this town to be individual!
I miss being stared at and laughed at for my tacky outfits :(

Mr Campbell said this was a good school... wtf? Lmao. My new head of years nice though :) And I have to take 2 buses and walk some to my new fucking house >.> Everyone has like a northern accent. Everyone says bath and grass etc like me and EVERYONE isn't a virgin and smokes weed/gets drunk a lot.

I've been invited to a piss up concert I may go :) What else have I got to do?
I swear I'm gonna get a bad future in this schoool... oh well you only need like, English to be a writer don't you?

Something tells me I'm gonna have a lot more fun and a lot less education here... and I'm so taking advantage of it. Serves my parents right for moving me :P
This is so payback! <3

Seems like I'm not gonna piss ups after all! :D Oh sweet alcohol... lol. Guess how many lessons of R.E I have every week? 1 :P Fucking 1!! I'm in heaven! <3

Theres hardly much hot guys here but theres loads of emo guys :O Heaven much? I was warned about guys that would definitaly go for me because I was new and such, my new friends told me how they were such jerks and I shouldn't fall for them. Well I have Oscar so I don't have to worry about that :P <3

I have quite a nice looking guy in my form called Joe.. I like his voice and he has insanely large hairstyles.. lol. I really miss my friends and Oscar though :/ Me and Oscar just started dating yesterday but I can't help but think he'll get bored of me/cheat on me! :( I wish I still lived in Bexhill.. :(

Anyways.. heres my number of lessons per week!:
'Pers Devel'= 1
Science= 6
Maths= 4
Free= 3
Food= 3
P.E= 2
German= 3
Media= 3
English= 4
R.E= 1!

I can hear someone recieving behaviour problem help here behind a big screen.. cause a big screens gonna make all the bloody difference! The dudes name is Curtis and from what I hear he has ginger hair (A lot of people have ginger hair here...). He has a phobia of girls? LMAO. I just kept screaming HOMO in my head the whole time lol.

I bit all my nails down :/ They had loads of stains on them so I decided to bite them off! Plus I was hungry and it helped the craving! So many skaters/emo's... It's like the perfect school for me. Everyone has the same interests as me! :D

Wow this Curtis guy is comepletly in love with his best friend! And the woman patrionises the shit outta this kid! She over reacts so fakely to small things: Curtis- 'Yeah, my mum accidently ate her bday chocolate present'. Woman- '*GASP!* :O Oh my word! That's naughty! I can't believe that... oh dear!'

Oh shut up you silly cunt. Lmao.

Oscar is hot :) lol Sorry yet another Oscar talk :P He's soo self conscious it's sweet! He thinks he'd ugly and hides his face in his hair! To be honest, I think he's very good looking and perfect the way he is! :) I'm so happy and lucky to have him! ^.^ And now I can now actualy say I've had a boyfriend that's hot ;)

Yeah. I Can Pull.
LOL

Final Destination!

2008-07-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

After DAYS of searching I have FINALLY found a pet shop in this shit place I live which actually sells pet rats!! There’s 2 left and a curse goes on to ANYONE other than me who fucking buys them!

I have such a headache :( Parents say its cause I’ve only eaten a piece of bread and half a banana this week. But you can live without food for ages apparently, but my dads gonna make me take re-hydration pills so I still get all the vitamins and crap. And then If I still don’t eat I’m getting taken to the doctors... they can kiss my ass! I hate doctors! I know they only try to help but I can’t help but feel the male ones are mentally undressing me : And don’t you hate it when you say you have like, really bad stomach pains and then they go down lower and lower and I’m like ‘My stomachs up there you fucking perv!’.

I am so happy! Finally I get my rats!

I’m gonna do a poll on bebo and ask people what I should call them :)
http://www.bebo.com/PollTake.jsp?PollId=7399182543&MemberId=122710598
Please do it! I need your help! :(

I’m definitely gonna call one Ozzy... that’s such a cute name for a rat!

Much Loveage x

Friends Like You<3

2008-07-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

Okay so I don’t normally do this but I’ve decided to write a little something for a few of my amazing friends :) In no particular order:

Tanya and my Twins!:
Oh my gawd, there’s so much to bloody say about all of you but you have to be the most weirdest, hyperist, whoryist (don’t worry so am I ;) ), most like meist, randomist people I have ever met! We have much fun watching porn (especially banana porn!), listening to our good music ;), annoying the twins by trying to make them lick each other’s nipple LOL, going on about boys to each other (sorry I’ve been doing that a lot lately... lol), dressing like harlequin girls!, taking fuck loads of photos!, getting soo pissed together then regretting everything we do the next day!, getting high together (my first time was with you! :D), watching me have sex on the beach!, doing stuff with the same guys on the same night xD, raping Craig... it was so consented!, annoying the hell out of Anthony, poking Anthony’s big dick :D, waxing random parts of our bodies! (boobs and bikini lines... ow!), sleeping over at your guys house and making too much noise! And at Tanya’s house getting caught sneaking out the window :P lol, our lesbian moments!, discussing the things that turn us on.. lol, getting pissed at the twins and then crying so much over the guys that didn’t like us!, me claiming you guys all the time!, OSCARS HOT (sorry had to add that part in LOL), saying stupid stuff when we’re drunk then writing it down, having a detox week which we all secretly failed at... me and Sabina lost on the first day when we ate chocolate LOL and Tanya having takeout! And Nikita not eating the celery and not drinking the green tea!, and fuck loads more! This is beginning to turn into an essay.. lol. I just want to say thank you SO much for being such amazing friends to me.. I really wish I could stay in Bexhill and stay with all of you but my parents are cunts :( I love you all so much so don’t you DARE cry at this letter thingy! Never forget me because I could NEVER forget you! I think of you every single day most of the day! I think of how I took you guys for granted and how I should have spent more time with you guys! I’m sorry for being a bitch to you at times and being a bad friend. When I come down to visit we are gonna have so much bloody fun! You guys mean so much to me and it’s proven. Ever since I left you guys I have depression... I can’t eat because I miss you so much! :( This isn’t goodbye okay, this is I’m-going-on-holiday-for-like-a-year-or-less-because-my-parents-are-cunts-but-its-not-really-a-holiday-because-I’m-gonna-hate-it! So... I’ll be back! :P

Anthony!:
I’m starting this off with... he has a big dick :) Probably the biggest I’ve ever seen... :O He loves mallyboo and I love him! We’ve had soo many great times together! Especially piss ups! My first piss up was with him and he was the first guys I ever did stuff with. He should be proud! He like, de-non-virginised someone :) I really am gonna miss him fuck loads... he annoys the hell out of everyone but you just can’t stop loving him! He’s always random and immature... like me :P He could be the female version of me! Nah.. I’m not cool enough :( I can dream! We dated for a couple of months and it worked out okay... apart from he cheated on me with Dr Durkin... but everyone makes mistakes Ant its kay ;) ((Please don’t kill me for saying that! Oh wait... I’m like a 4 hour drive away... go for it! :P)). He has a hench brother who’s kinda fit ;) And he loves attention.. a bit like a puppy. Omg yeah! A puppy! That sums you up :) Not really sure what else to say.. there’s like too much and I can’t be asked to type it all out :O You’ve always been there for me Ant, especially with boy problems.. like Josh :P Who I ironically cheated on with... with you LOL. Thanks for all the good advice and good times.. you really are the kooliest person I’ve met ;)

Meh. Bored, I'll write more later lol.

Disposable Teen

2008-07-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

Well.

I got bored and decided to waste paper :D

I'll save the environment another time..

When I'm less bored xD

http://bebo.com/watch/7393531736

;)

I am now officialy Anthonys little duckling.

I'm suffering from depression and all I ate today was a piece of bread because Anthony said I had to :(

So now I've gained yet another nickname.. don't I have enough?

The dye from my hair is fading :S

How suckish.

That's what you get when you're too cheap to buy good dye folks ;)

I hadn't straightened my hair in that picture :/

I was about to but Anthony kept distracting me..
xD

Kay I'm bored. And tired. So I'll write more tomorow kay? x <3

Just in case he's reading this which he's not cause he actualy has a life :D.. Oscar you're hot :)

Sweet Talk 101

2008-07-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

Dumb Conversations lol:
Amy: Ant, I got a text from Craig
Ant: Great
Amy: He told me I smelt :( Do I smell Ant? *Smells self*
Ant: I can't smell you..

Hannah: You're wearing a watch! But you never wear watches...
Amy: That's because I can't tell the time...
Hannah: Then why are you wearing a watch?
Amy: Because they make me look smart :D
Hannah: You're 15 and you can't tell the time...
Amy: Don't rub it in :(

Nikita: Amy! You drunk the rest of the whitestar!
Amy: No! Tanya drunk the rest, I tried to stop her but she was like: No Amy! I have to rape you!, and I was like 'No Tanya No!'.
(I was drunk at the time teehee)

Tanya: (While I was giving her a hiccie) Ow, Fuck me! Ow, Fuck me!
Amy: I'd fuck you.
Tanya: Anyday.

Amy: (After spilling whitestar over myself and not noticing) Why is the floor wet? Better question; why am I wet? :O

Amy: Before I met you guys, I never used to drink as much or get drunk.. but now look at me! You've made me an alcoholic slut!
Tanya: Hey, we don't depend on alcohol... we enjoy it ;)

Hannah: When you go we'll keep in touch okay? :(
Amy: I promise we will! :(
Hannah: ...And I'll text and phone you every single day and msn you and use all my credit on talking to you!
Amy: Aww, that's swee...
Hannah: And it'll be non-stop phone sex! And cyber sex!
Amy: Wha!!.... :O
Hannah: And we'll have webcams ;) But no printscreen this time!
Amy: .... Damn!

Hannah: You can come!! (Refering to the concert)
Amy: I allready did :P
Hannah: Ew! You skanky thing :P
Amy: Only for you! :P
Hannah: Yay! I'm special!
Amy: Yes. Yes you are :P

What retards :L More dumb convos I just can't be bothered to type it out :P x

Cries In Vain

2008-07-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

I was very emo last night and yesterday so I decided to take lots of photos. I suppose that and the drawings could be considered creative? Oh! And also I baked cookies today! Didn't eat any though.. still not bloody hungry!

Is this love or home sickness? I personally think home sickness.

A) There is no one to love. Well I like Oscar but noo not love.. lol.

B) I don't believe in love at this age!

C) I do really miss Bexhill and my friends :(

OH MY GAWD. I forgot to mention. I'm definatly coming down on the 26th July :P My parents have seen how emo I'm being so they're taking me down to let me go to the concert! But they have to stay in Bexhill too...fun. I think I'll get completely trashed that night..yeah that sounds good. Ooh and while I'm there I can stock up on booze and fags to piss off the parents! I've drunk some of the whitestar and I've still got the 3 fags left (Or was it 4?). It's just a question of how I use them. Should I get trashed and do it infront on my parents (Aka using them all up at once), or should I let them catch me drunk and smoking a couple of times? See, you have to think about these things :)

Awesome hair much? :D

I did it on my last day before me and Ailish met up with Matt and Oscar. We went to boots and I sprayed a load of the hairspray on me :D Was fun...

This is me in Primark...

This was supposed to be a gross choice of dress but sadly I looked good in it :/

That happened in Topshop too.

We all went out and picked ugly clothes to try on and I chose some Tacky Shorts and A Bright Pink Ruffly Mini Skirt.

And, I looked good in them.

Unwanted result much!

Picture (Not So) Perfect- Not A lyric or song name but it's relevant :)

2008-07-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

Want to see my life work?
Yeah, i got bored today and drew some things.
They're pretty shit but some of them make me laugh :D

Kid(s) in Glass House(s)...

2008-07-01T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is 'The House':

<-- The 'Luxurious' Study

<-- Look sideways, it's the Kitchen

<-- The Livingroom- Friendly or Foreign?

<-- Last and Least- The Room I should call my own.

What a depressing house. Have you seen the colours? Boring, much?
I like the view from my room and that's about it. See, I can be positive :)
Even at hard times!

Change :)

2008-06-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

Changed my mind.

Heres my address:
7 Murray Close
Bishops cleeve,
Gloucestershire
GL52 8XE
United Kingdom

STALK MEH!

Move Along

2008-06-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

When all you’ve got to keep is strong move along move along like I know you do, and even when your hope is gone move along move along just to make it through <3

Btw, because this site won’t let you do exclamation marks? This means an exclamation mark= (1)

Now it’s 1:11pm to be exact :) I’m shit bored and can’t stop thinking about Bexhill and the people in it :( I’ve seen a few people in this town and oh my gawd stuck up much? They’ve got their heads up their ass and speak really posh(1) I’m from Manchester... I don’t do posh(1) Like, wtf(1)

Tanya texted me which made me feel better so everyone should know that she rocks :)

Hmm well I need to remember a few things so I’m gonna put them here :) :
1) Unpack (Yes, even more unpacking)
2)Piss off parents e.g. smoke in front of them, get drunk, get lip pierced :)
3) Be nicer to Jake (Ever since I saw how Carolann and Hannah didn’t get on it made me feel guilty about being a bitch to Jake)
4)Do something creative rather than mope about
5) Keep ignoring parents
6) Write letters to people
7) Keep trying to call the twins(1) (Guys, pick up your phones for once <3)

Still can’t eat :( I couldn’t last night either. I actually turned down food.. like omg. Is that even possible for me? :O Ah well, at least I’ll lose weight.. best to think positive at these times I suppose.

I’ll try not to bore the shit out of you so I’ll stop writing for now. Much loveage x :/

A Sadness Runs Through Her...

2008-06-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

It actually happened.

I moved :(

I never thought it would really happen to be honest...

And it happened at such a crap time, l have to miss the fashion show at school which I wanted to be in and I met a nice guy who I might never see again :(

I’m ignoring my parents and my dad is getting pissed off- he expected me to run up to him and hug and kiss him when he came to pick me up. Why would I do that when he knows how much I didn’t want to move? I feel a bit guilty for ignoring my mum though; she’s making such an effort to make me happy. She keeps bringing up food for me, which I’m not going to eat- I don’t feel hungry at all which is weird for me :( And she keeps bringing me up tea.

I feel like a hospital patient.

I’m in this strange room, which really isn’t anything like my room! Its a yellowy-white colour (Which can hardly be called a colour!), it has a beige carpet and then Theresa built in wardrobe. I love bright colours.. I just feel drained in this room :( I’m writing this at 8:30am, it’s really bright and I’m in new pyjamas which my mum bought. They’re not my clothes and this is not my room! :( But I’m also wearing Craig’s scarf, it smells like Craig and I miss him :(

But if you’re reading this don’t get all depressed for me lol. I’ll still talk to you all on msn- I’ll become a computer nerd I promise, kay?

Urgh, just sat here listening to depressing music and going through the folder which my twins and Tanya made for me, I really love it. It’s so pretty and It must have taken them ages! Thanks so much guys, it’s made me feel a lot better x

It smells really funny here! I want my old smell back! And I want to cry but I spent hours crying last night. I cried LOADS and got myself worked up and nearly puked because I cried so much. Then I got really tired from crying too much so I fell asleep :(

I’d put pictures of my house up, but my phone just died. So sorry if anyone’s texted me this morning- I can’t find my charger to charge my phone. Urgh I hate this smell. My mum’s put stuff away in my room, she’s bought me new perfume, hairspray stuff (which smells good), new clothes, new pyjamas, and she’s put away some of my old clothes. I just looked in my draw and Sabina’s bra is there :( Sorry, Sabina. I’ll send it back asap okay? Love you x

Not much else to write about really. Other then the fact that Gracie’s changed, she’s smarter now so she knows a lot more words. She’s all over me this morning and so is Darcy. I actually hate this room/city/house/place! I want my old house back!!

Most depressing blog ever much? Sorry to those who have the displeasure of reading this.. hehe.

Well, that’ll be all for now. But I’ll probably do another post later because I’m so bloody bored here! I’d post my new phone number but I’m scared of stalkers.. lol. If anyone wants me to send them a letter leave your address in a comment on this post. But If you’re also scared of stalkers then you can email your address at kickassbabe2000@hotmail.com

Love you all x

Dear Angel :)

2008-06-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Oh my god.
I'm doing the exercise diet (not sure if i added that to my list) and I just did 100 sit ups.
The main thing you need to know about that is GAWD I'm unfit!
Lmao.
At least I did them :P
I'm gonna try and do 500 sit ups a day..
Wish me luck I'm gonna need it!

Now, I shall talk about school and me moving, the boring crap that no one wants to read about :D
I don't think many people read this anyways lol..
Only Nikita and possibly Sabina?
Ah well.
It's because they have no life :D
Well anyways, I wan't to write all my dearest friends a letter before I go, oh gawd it's going to take ages..
But it'll be worth it.
I hope no one cries when I leave.. quite a few people have said they will :S
But I'm happy that I don't have any enemies before I leave, I'm also happy I'm friends with Finn again so if he's reading this (which I doubt he is), sorry for everything!

Now..
My list of people to whom I shall give letters to:
Hannah
Nikita
Sabina
Anthony (How could I ever forget the Malibu Lizzard? :P)
Manya!
Dan. O
Craig
Finn
Joshua/Gay Face/Faggot/Twat :) <3
Tom Morrissy! (Legend!!)
Judith
Nathan
Ailish
Shannon
Amber

Let me know If I forgot anyone..

And people.. please don't cry when I leave.. you know how pissed I get when I smudge my eyeliner :P

Die Romantic

2008-06-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, So I've just finished watching Fatal Attraction.. and it's actualy good.
Remind me to act like Alex did when someone breaks my heart :)
But seriously, it teaches all the crappy guys out there NOT to fuck with women!
Cause we'll come stalk you and boil your bunny like Alex did :P
Lol.

And now I'm watching 'The Dark', and I've just noticed that Merrik from 'The Island' is in it :)
I watch a lot of movies... I have a lot of spare time :D
And is it just me or does every horror movie always have the same structure?
It starts, has a long boring start when it shows you the family or the people in it and their story, then something will make you think somethings about to happen... and you'll say 'Omg! I can't watch!' and you just assume something will happen.. but it wont. Then theres more talking, then someone gets eaten.
THE END.

How original these movies are :)
I've just realised.. 'gets eaten' LOL
Dirty xD

Unholy Confessions

2008-06-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

I seem to start my posts with short sharp sentances... forgive me... I just had exams :P Couldn't help but notice.
Well this post is going to have some of my confessions..
Note the title, 'Unholy Confessions'. If you haven't noticed by now most of my post titles are song names/lyrics :)

So here they are:

1) I was the one who broke my dads laptop, not my brother. I accidently spilled fizzy drink all over it, then blamed it on my brother by saying he accidently squirted it with his water gun...

2) I do gossip a lot. I think everyone probably knows that by now.. and I promise I am trying to stop.

3) I found some mean notes about me at a friends house :/ And I didn't tell them I found them. I am kinda upset about it but I suppose I had it coming with all the gossiping.

4) I ate the holy bread communion thing at camp when I'm not supposed to :O Some girl went up and shared half with me 'cause I had never had it before.

5) I get a lot of my homework from the internet...

6) I like seeing my brother get shouted at by my dad..

7) I really don't want to be like my mum when I'm older :S She's shy, has no job, hardly ever sticks up for herself and always lets people push her around (Mostly me and my dad :S...)

8) I daydream way too much and wish it was real..

9) I always have to correct people when they typo on msn or in their msn names.. It annoys the hell out of me!

10) I wish I wasn't such a bitch to my friends all the time.. :(

11) I've shouted and had a go at someone for no reason then blamed it on PMS when I wasn't even on my period...

12) I REALLY wish people would stop thinking I'm so controlling... that or I wish I wasn't so controlling! I don't mean to be!

13) I'm not as upset as I should be about moving.. I was much more upset before.. I guess it just hasn't hit me that I'm moving yet :/

14) I think ______ has an alcohol problem and I didn't want her to makeout with every guy there at my piss up which is why I didn't want to invite her to my piss up....

15) I don't know what I feel for him anymore...

Well there was some, maybe I'll make another list in the future...
Or when I've moved so people can't kill me :P

Much lovage! x

Sleep

2008-06-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

Me and Hannah tried Green tea with lemon today :D

It tasted like shit.
Maybe it's because I stewed it.. lol.
But anyway, I don't get how it's meant to make you lose weight...but I'm gonna keep drinking it anyways.

Short blog.
Going to bed in like 5 minutes lol.

Tanya plucked my eyebrows today and now I have a headache :(
But I get pet rats soon so its okay :D

Exactly 7 days before I move now :(
Is gonna suck ass.

Tanyas ass.
:D

Boring blog.
Cba to type, I have another written out in my journal but I can't be bothered to type it up...
Ahh me and my laziness :)

I love Nikita and Tanya and Sabina :)
They're coolies.
And omg.
So many people are making blogs now!
I've like, inspired everyone.

That's all for now ;)
Worlds most interesting blog much?
I'm wild. Almost as wild as...

Breaking The Habit...

2008-06-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I want to lose weight.
So.
I'm going to try a mixture of different diets, see which ones work, and then post the results on my blog :)
I'm going to have a lot of spare time during the summer holidays what with being alone so I'm gonna do a load of random crap lol.

The diets:
1) Diet pills
2) Special K
3) Slim Fast
4) Weight Watchers
5) Apple Diet
6) Herbal Tea Diet (Ew.)
7) Veggie Diet

Yeah...this is going to be fun lol.

I'll also try to do a lot of exercise :) And then hopefuly the weight will drop off. Not literally drop off.... that would be slightly confusing and scary....

:D

Wish me luck

All These Things I Hate...

2008-06-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

Food and Fake Crying.

Food.

I hate food. It tastes so good yet makes you look so ugly. And isn't it typical that the gross food makes you look and feel better and the nice foods make you look and feel like crap. If there really is a God he's an asshole!
And it's so depressing what people will do to stay skinny/get skinny and eat junk food....
Throwing up, taking laxatives? Ew.
I was once one of those stupid girls who thought being skinny would solve everything, and yes. I wanted to be skinny so bad that I would throw up my food.
I'm not proud of it, but to be honest if I could go back in time and stop myself doing it, I wouldn't.
It helped me lose a lot of weight and gain a lot of confidence.
I just hate it when people who are already super skinny do it. I'm not saying anyone should do it though, it's quite traumatic actualy.
And tbh, I think I still am one of those stupid girls. When you're skinny you get whatever you want.. the guys, friends, popularity, nice clothes...
It's not fair!

Fake Crying.

I don't have much to say about people who fake cry to skive for emotions.
They should just know that their boring, attention seeking, waste of caring abouts :) And that was the nicer way of me putting it :)
If you wan't attention don't be boring and don't think you have to pretend to be upset to get someone to talk to you...
Pathetic much?

Your Heart Smothers Me And Now It's Hard To Breathe...

2008-06-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Here, in Media studies again and ignoring the same usual 'attempting to teach' crap from Mr Dobson. I swear he teaches us the same things every lesson. I guess he's just given up on us because he's retiring in like, a week. No Media GCSE for me then...

He just uses up most of the lesson arguing with people for pointless reasons and oh my gawwd. That bloody Evian bottle he likes to molest every lesson. He goes on about it EVERY single lesson- the only thing I've learnt from it is that it's spelt 'Naive' backwards! I can't take much more of this! I'm half happy that I'm leaving in a week and 4 days...mostly unhappy though.

At least I get to start my whole life over again...with black hair :P But anyways, back to Media Studies...

I think everyones scared to look up, because if you do all you'll get is a question which you can't answer and a very sarcastic look+comment.

Now I'll go on to more personal stuff....

Me and Josh aren't speaking to eachother right now... we got into ANOTHER argument. I don't even know what it was about! By the time school ends I'm pretty sure all will be well since all he wants to do is shove his tounge down my throat.. oh great. We have a physical relationship... could you even call this a relationship when all we do is fight and make out? It's seriously boring me but all the other times I've liked a guy they've either wanted someone else better then me, not liked me, dated them but the relationship never worked or they were too shy to ask me out...

I've come to the conclusion that guys suck and I should just be a lesbian! Not going to be... but should!

15 minutes left off the lesson and we're still talking about the stupid radio station we started talking about at the start of the lesson... How fun and interesting this lesson is...

Oh dear Charlotte looked up and she's clueless...don't blame her- Mr Dobson asks stupid and obvious questions... and now I smell fish? Wtf! Why do I smell fish? Lmao... just for the fun of it.. Charlotte close your legs!

Ah to be younger again...

Well this post certainly seemed to turn out as an essay, but I'm just so bloody bored!

10 minutes left, and I looked up d'oh! Why does he always ask me questions about the Southern parts of England? I thought it was bloody obvious that I'm northern lol.

5 minutes left, lets rave! No seriously, I'm wearing a bright yellow bracelet which sorta glows in the dark :) hehe.

Me+Anthony talked about love in science... he thinks I love Josh... I don't think I'm capable of loving someone who I have a very tiring and physical relationship with... but nice try Ant ;) Love sucks and I refuse to give in to feeling that crappy emotion which always screws you over!

CLASS OVER!

Making Light Of These Dark Days...

2008-06-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well,

Only a week and 5 days left 'till I move...

Wow I'm gonna miss Bexhill.

Gonna have a massive leaving piss up..is gonna be awesome :D I supose that's something to look forward to before I go at least...that and I get pet rats when I move! :)

Imagine how fucked up my liver is/is going to be when I'm older..

What a fun time in hospital I'm going to have :D

Not much to talk about really, apart from the fact that everytime me and Josh seem to makeout we ALWAYS get interrupted... yeah, it is quite annoying.

Snaps to you if you can read this: I'm bored and thinking about that stupid person who will never like me. It's not that I like him, but the more he rejects me the more it makes me think 'Is he doing this because he likes me?' of course that won't be the case because I always seem to get the wrong idea...

Of course you can't read it...fool.

The font is 'Webdings' if that helps :) But would you really go to the trouble of translating it to see what I'm thinking about right now? If you had no life maybe. Or maybe you could go buy one like I'm supposed to be doing :)

Casual sex anyone? Yes, No, Maybe so?

KTHXBAI!

You Talk A Good Game

2008-06-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

If theres one goal thats impossible to reach in this world, its being a good friend.
However much you debate it, theres no way you can be a good friend.
Imagine you have a friend who is saying bad things about another friend but asks you not to tell them...
What do you do?
Do you be a good friend to the bitching one and not tell the other friend, but while doing that you're also being a bad friend to the one being bitched about....
Or you could tell the other friend that the friend has bitched about them, but then you're also being a bad friend there too....
So basically.. you're screwed.
How do you talk yourself out of this situation?
You could defend the friend being bitched about...but lets face it, how many of us would actualy do that?
And you're still being a bad friend there...
Seems impossible doesn't it?

Lies For The Liars

2008-06-01T02:25:00.001-07:00

Liars?

Hate them.

I think everyone does actually.

But, does it ever occur to anyone that you’re being a hypocrite when you bad mouth liars.

Everyone’s lied at least once in their lifetime, doesn’t matter how small the lie, you’ve lied.

Like lying to make someone feel better.

Ever tell your friend she doesn’t look fat in a dress when she actually does? Or if someone asks if they think a certain boy likes them or if someone lies about not having a party so you won’t come.

Then that friend can go somewhere wearing that dress and get called fat, not only will she hate you for lying, but she also may turn bulimic or something...

Or, if that person now thinks that boy likes them, so she asks him out. He laughs in her face and says no. She could become depressed and hate you....

And finally, the party. Well that friend can find out the party did happen and cause an argument. Result? Friendship ruined.

So, no matter how much you think lying is a good idea at the time...remember it has consequences.

I’m writing this because my friend just lied to me.

One of the 3 examples I just gave you, one of them is me.

Can you guess?

Now you're gone, I realise...nothing....

2008-05-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

So, my parents have moved to Cheltenham and look whos been left behind for 6 weeks :)
6 weeks... parentless....

WHOO!

Its been 2 weeks allready and I realise, I don't miss my parents...at all.
How mean is that?
These are the people I've relied on my whole life, and I don't even miss them :O

I guess this is growing up.

Stupid things my friends have said :)

2008-04-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

Anthony:
Amy, does it feel pleasureable when you use a tampon?

Tanya:
I wish I had a penis sometimes :/

Tanya:
*Not knowing she said this in front of her boyfriend lol* Sabina, I'd have sex with you but I don't have my strap on.

Craig:
Well twist my nipples and call me horny!

Kate:
You can tell someones not a virgin because they look different *How?* They just do! *She said this to Tanya, not knowing Tanya wasn't a virgin LOL*

To be continued...
When I remember more...

Long time no see :)

2008-04-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

Well, been a while but im gonna start writing again. Im bored and theres nothing else to do so uhh yeah, blogging it is :)

Bus drivers
Is it just me or are they all just ignorant twats? O_o I got on the bus last Thursday and I forgot to pick up the ticket so after about 5 minutes of sarcastic remarks from the ever charming bus driver, I mangaged to pick up my ticket and what was left of my pride and mutter 'twat' as I walked sullenly to my seat. Luckily, it will take more then one ass hole of a bus driver to bring me down :) It will take 3 :/ The 2nd time I accidently asked him for the wrong ticket so he tutted and just closed the bus on me O_o (I was on the bus though don't worry =D) and the 3rd time they gave me the wrong ticket and then just ignored me! What is the world coming to! I know they're jobs can't be totally fantastic but do they really have to take their problems out on their customers? O_O Even if it is just a small amount of money, If i say please and thank you, smile at them and show them respect, then they should do the same to me! It would make this world a much better place :/

I love gummy bears :)

2008-03-30T04:41:00.000-07:00

I love gummy bears!
So should you!

I have too much free time lol.

The Truth :)

2008-03-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

Religion sucks.
Don't be brainwashed like all the other sad catholics/christians out there :)
It's wrong to dedicate most of your life to worshiping a God who says if you don't follow 12 rules, you'll go to hell :)
Kthxbai.

The Confession.

2008-03-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well, the reason I'm such a crabby bitch right now is because I just got a call from my cousin Megan (who was supposed to come over from Manchester to stay a while) she's ditching me to go to her friends 17th birthday party. Wow, she hasn't seen her cousin in about a year and she'd rather go see her best friend who she sees everyday. You can tell I feel really loved right now.
But the thing is. I have nothing to feel angry at, I was going to do the same to her. It's my best friend Tanyas birthday piss up on saturday..and I was going to ditch Megan to go there. But to be fair, its only about a day or 2 tops. Yet, with Megan I won't get to see her for ages usually, luckily this time she can come down again because her mums getting my uncle a dog. But unluckily, that's in the easter holidays. I have to spend the whole of my Easter Holiday babysitting her rather than being with my friends. I don't mean she's not my friend or anything, 'cause she is. It's just that she doesn't know my friends so it would be rude to hang out with them with her.

I think about my friends too much :/

Thank you for the venom.

2008-03-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

If any ones alive out there, I want you to know that life sucks. Sure, I could go on about my life when there are plenty of African children starving to death as you read this, but I won't. All I'll say is life sucks and no matter what you do someones gonna screw you over and make you feel rejected, lonely and forgotten. What is life for anyway? To make children apparently and to keep populating the earth...what's the point in that? It's just an everlasting boring cycle of life. Yep, its official.
Life sucks.
My friends are my life, why should I abandon them and go live in another stupid country? Why? So I can suffer instead of my dad that works away during the week. Well you know what? I like that he works away during the week. Its much more peaceful and no one gets shouted at or upset. He makes my mums life hell, and he constantly yells at me for not spending enough time with him...why would I when he acts like such a dick? Fucking Australia. I will never fit in there or like it. Even if I do, I'll force myself not to. I won't abandon my friends.

The Used <3

2008-03-18T01:20:00.001-07:00

Is it just me, or has the new album by The Used just suddenly appeared? I didn't know they made a new album untill yesterday! I downloaded it and its quite good, I do miss poor Bertys screaming though Shame about his throat, but still it's a good album.
It's called Shallow Believer, check it out :) My favourite song on it is Sun Comes Up. Anyways school in 5 minutes that's all for now. Oh, except my cousin is coming on Thursday :) She's called Megan, she's like a sister to me. My grandma is also coming, fingers crossed for money :P

Listening to:
Slit your own throat- The Used

Thinking of:
Moving house :( /span>
School
Friends
The Used
Megan+Grandma

Time:
08:25

The Venting :O

2008-03-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

Ok im getting really pissed off with all the fucking emo and homosexual haters. Although i am not homosexual and dont really count myself as 'emo' but i guess i am one.. (what is emo anyway?!), i still think its wrong that people are bullied because they are different. Anyone who hates anyone because they are different, are pathetic and need to piss off.

Venting about emo haters....Ok so, everyone thinks that emo's only slit their wrists and cry..wtf not all emo's do that and when they do its not because they want to feel sorry for themselves and hurt themselves for attention...its because they've been hurt in someway etc. And when people bully them because of that, it doesnt help. You wouldnt make fun of and upset your friend when they're feeling low...so why do it to emo's? In conclusion i would like to say emo's are people...they rock and are good people (: ((I have never come across an emo who is mean (: )). You should be proud to be who you are! If you dont like that someone is different, then fuck you and i dont really care (:

Venting about homosexual haters....Oooh where to begin..ah i know. Christianity, apparently you cant be different AND believe in god.. lame much? If god can forgive sins and love you for who you are..then doesnt that inclue homosexuals? Just because in the bible it says stuff about men marrying women doesnt mean that god would disapprove of people being homosexual. Its really quite pathetic that people say that you cant be a true christian AND be gay. People like that need to be shot (: I support homosexuals and if you've got a bad oppinion about them..keep it to yourself. No one cares that you think its gross or wrong. How can boys say they like it when girls kiss..yet think its disgusting to be gay?! There is nothing wrong with being homosexual.

All mean comments are welcome cause I really dont give a fuck (:

A Madeline McCann Lecture :)

2008-03-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

This seems mean and it probably is but I don't care, I'm just really annoyed with the whole Madeline McCann thing. Ok so the parents were stupid enough to leave Madeline alone in a hotel room in a different country so they could have a meal together. And then she got kidnapped, well big suprise there, they should never have left Madeline alone! And now rich people and paying millions to get her home! Why? Because she has 'special' eyes. So fucking what I'm sure Jessica and Holly (The 2 girls that got kidnapped quite a long time ago) had many special features too, but did people pay millions to get them back? No, they didn't. I guess they weren't special enough, that or their parents weren't stupid enough. And it also annoys me that Madeline's parents have automaticly become famous because their daughter was kidnapped! You see them in newspapers, in magazines and on the news all the time with their personal life, like how they might split up. Yeah, cause that'll really help Madeline if shes found What also annoys me is that people are paying millions of pounds when the parents were so careless, why didn't anyone care so much about all the other people when they went missing? It's really not fair. And like I said before, I know this is mean but it had to be said and I mean every word. It serves Gerry and Kate McCann right for being so careless and maybe this will teach them in future not to leave their kids alone.

Some Poems :)

2008-03-13T15:45:00.001-07:00

Just some poems I have made throughout the years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I look outside the window, and see the stars above,
I think of that one special person, the one I truly love.
I love the way he smiles, the way he looks at me,
When he’s around the sun shines just right, he’s the only one I see.
When we’re apart I feel such pain. I feel so helpless too.
I never want to leave him, but in the end I do.
I know that this is love, I know that this is true,
We’ll last through all the hard times, and keep on shining through.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought you’d always love me, I thought you’d never go,
I didn’t know you were so cruel to make me feel so low.
I hear our song on the radio; it still brings back a tear,
The thought of you ever leaving me, brought me so much fear.
But now I have to move on, to forget about you forever,
I know that you’ll never love me, and we’ll never be together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They called her such names, all because of her size,
Hid the hurt with a smile, weaving a web of lies.
Looking in the mirror, imagining someone she was not,
She’d never be happy with the body she got.
Smiling to herself, watching blood go down the drain,
No one can ever hurt her, not now, not ever again.
They all could of saved her, if they’d only let her be,
But now at least she’s happy, her tortured soul free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(My best I would say, I wrote it for an internet safety form assembly)
From a smile to a blush in just a while,
From email address, to numbers to dial.
Closer and closer we soon became,
You said you loved me, I felt the same.
In a matter of time, you wanted to meet,
To be together, our love so sweet.
I didn’t think you’d cause me any harm,
How wrong was I, to fall for your charm.
Creepy and dark pacing the alleyway,
10 minutes late to my dismay.
A tap on the shoulder, a wrinkled smirk,
My long lost prince; a perverted old jerk.
A few minutes later and all was done,
Left cold and alone with my skirt undone.
My innocence gone, my heart torn in two,
It seemed like a nightmare, but I knew it was true.

KISS ME! <3

2008-03-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

Kiss me! :D Tis a song by New Found Glory I was singing a lot today :) Urgh school was crap though. Me and my friend Tanya pretended we were going out like a week ago and people have only found out today. Okay so we've kissed but it doesn't mean we're lesbians...does it? O_o Well I am defiantly sure I am straight :) Even if I do like kissing girls xD People were freaking out about my msn display picture...want to see?

Okay. So it does look lesbian. But, who cares? And who cares what people think of me? They've got no right to judge me, they don't know me. To happier topics...
I got a letter today :D Don't you just love getting post? To be able to open up something that is only adressed to you? Well it makes me feel so grown up ^.^ Hehe. Anyways, it was a letter about an 18th Anniversary of Young writers. I've only ever had one of my poems in a book before, and in my opinion, it wasn't even good. I hope to get more or my poems in books that are actualy good :)

To the topic of boys! Theres this guy called Sam in my school, you may not know this but I have extremely bad taste in boys. I always go for the nerdy, stupid, weird boys. Call it my instict but I like a challenge ;) Anyway, I liked Sam for ages and he just kept leading me on. He'd talk to me and kiss me one day, then ignore me the other. I'm not even joking thats what he did. I got so pissed off I just said fuck it. I didn't talk to him and avoided him. I moved on :) He didn't :/ He follows me sometimes and he really likes me apparently, well, It's too late now :) He did the most stupidest thing today, do you know when boys use stupid slang to impress you? Well, he did that! He goes 'Hey babe' and slaps my arse! Then he makes me give him a hug! I'm like I don't want to hug you after you've done that! :O I am officially mentally scarred and more over him then ever! He also followed me a lot today :/ I kept running away from him. I kinda feel bad, but it's his fault. I now realise what a mug he is and I'm glad I took my friends advie and moved on :)
Is there any boys in this world that are hot AND nice? If there ARE any out there please tell me :)

A song for a day:
Kiss me- New found Glory.
Listen to it :) It made me very happy, and it should make you happy too :)

Thoughts of the day:
Sam
Homework
Friends
KISS ME!
Sex
Blogging

Feeling:
Sleepy. (Aren't I always?)

Nothing much interesting today :/ I wish something exciting would happen.

Listening to:
Naked- Avril Lavigne.

12/3/08 Music: One-x by Three Days Grace

2008-03-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

Well, new blog site and I get to start if off with a boring blog :) Great!
To be honest I'm just too tired to write and I've still got shit loads of homework. Urgh, please remind me why R.E was invented again? It seems they just want to brainwash you into worshipping a God who, In my opinion, doesn't exist O_o
Plus I have to sit next to this annoying guy who shall not be named. Oh my gosh he smells like a butcher shop! I'ts disgusting! He's trying to talk to me and I'm like urgh! But I don't do it to his face cause I'd feel too guilty. :) Looks like I have a heart after all. Right now it is 3 past 12 to be exact and I still haven't done my R.E homework. We watched a bit of the passion of christ in R.E and it was quite interesting, we weren't allowed to see the death scenes though because they were apparently, too horrific. But me, in my wild curiousity and interest, decided to watch it at home on youtube. BIG mistake. It was absolutely disgusting, for a moment I felt that i actualy believed in God and Jesus, then I realised it was just a film. So there goes my faith, guess I wont be healed after all Jesus. So thats all for tonight, boring? I know. But I promise to improve my writing...when I'm not so tired and busy. My next blog will probably be on Sunday. I'm busy the other days :S And if anyones actualy reading this hello and thanks for reading :)

Thoughts of today:
Being a doctor when I'm older....
Calories
System of A down
How much of a bitch my friend is (Well, sorta ex friend)
My friends birthday tomorow :O Shit I didn't get her a present

Feeling:
Worried.