Such as it ends

Now that my rant is over.. for now.. I guess I should talk about something um, interesting.

:/

Breathings just a waste of time (8)
And that's true :/

But that's not very interesting is it?
No.

That's me being an emo twat.
This week is now going to be named 'The Great Depression'
Cause that's what it is. A fucking awful week of regret and depression.
But. I deserve it. So. I'll accept it.
I hate you.

But anyway..
Waffles:
'A waffle is a light batter cake cooked in a waffle iron patterned to give a distinctive and characteristic shape.'

Uhh, what's with the shape? It's so weird.. It has like.. loads of gaps.. what's with that? I mean, then they go and make things like 'A waffle iron'.
Huh? And.. how did they invent the waffle? Did they suddenly decide to make some sort of toast related snack and then were like 'Hey! Lets call it a waffle!'
People.. do enlighten me.

Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell...

Argh!
I hate myself!!!!!
I WISH I WAS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIEEEEEEE U FAT SLAGGISH BITCH PEOPLE ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU AND ALL YOU'RE CAPABLE OF DOING IS HURTING OTHER PEOPLE CAUSE YOU'RE THAT PATHETIC.
I HATE YOU!!!!

Cause I can't stop loving you, No I wont stop loving you.. Why should I?

I had a dream last night and it pissed me off!
I dreamt that I was dating someone I liked (Obvious who) and then I woke up and I was all confused. I was like, did that just happen? It was so strange. It took me 10 minutes to work out that it didn't happen lol.

But anyways.
Oscars in A&E :O!
I almost cried when I heard that, I'm so pathetic lol.
He's done something to his leg though so I guess its not that bad.
Get well soon Oscar :)

Hmm.
My uncles come down for the weekend, and today..
I'm getting rid of half my rats :(
I have to give them to pet shops! In total I'm only allowed 2!!!
2! How stingy.
I've already chosen though, I'm going to put Twitch and Tampon up for adoption (I know. I'm shallow I only like them when they're young and cute) and I've chosen 1 bluey black rat (Like my hair colour! :D) and 1 completely white rat.
I haven't decided what I'm going to name them yet, but I want the names to be funny :D

Eeeep.
:)

All that I've got.

Nathan wants me to write a happy blog about myself to stop sounding so fricken emo so um, I guess I could write a bit.
I'm feeling down again though so it's probably gonna turn out sounding emo.. lol.

I like to make people smile.
I like hugs.
I like how long my legs are.
I've been told my boobs are good (Y)
I like pretzels.

Yeah. Blog done.
:D

Haaaavee you heard the neeeewsss that you're dead?

That's right. 2 Deaths have happened recently which have really upset me. I was so close to them both and I loved them so much! I just wish they didn't have to go :(

Yup.

My iPod and my laptop BOTH died! I mean wtf!
My iPod got put in the washing machine O_o (Argh stupid parents, they should learn to check pockets!)
And my laptop.. uh well I always turn it off by holding down the off button.. damaging the hardrive.. D'OH.

And nooowww I shall talk about my last blog.. I'm sorry it was so emo lol. And I'm sorry if it upset anyone.. I almost cried when Ailish told me she'd read it and decided to change and apologise and such. Unwanted result much? lol. I didn't even think she'd read it to be honest :O I was in such a depressing mood and I blame Hannah for this!

She sent me this song on msn called Beautiful Freak by The Eels. And she told me it reminded her so much of me and how much she means to me! I cried lol. I was in such a crying mood last night.. oh and then later on It didn't get better.. I'll explain that in a minute though.

Heres the lyrcis to the song:
Youre such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
Youre not like all of the others
And that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
That is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Some people think you have a problem
But that problem lies only with them
Just cause you are not like the others
But that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Yeah that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Too good for this world
But I hope you will stay
And Ill be here to see that you dont fade away
Youre such a beautiful freak
I bet you are flying inside
Dart down and then go for cover
And know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak,
You know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Such a sweet song (:
Ooh but anyways, heres what happened last night.

Well! There I was downstairs on the computer since my laptops broked (*cry*), smoking a cigarette when I heard noises from upstairs. Usually I would have payed no attention but I wasn't in the mood to risk it. I had a plate full of ash in front of me so I quickly scooped up the ash and hid it in a bowl next to me. I then stubbed out the cigarette quickly and put it in my pocket along with my backy and lighter. About 2 minutes later, BAM. My mum opened the door (quite loudly.. it scared the shit outta me.) She said:
'Amy you left the tap on in the kitchen and.. *sniffs* what's that smell?'
Me: Uhh what smell? I don't smell anything.
Mum: I smell smoke.. what have you been doing?
Me: Nothing. *Goes into the kitchen and peeks round to see that mum is looking around my desk for evidence
Mum: Amy. What's in this bowl..
Me: Wha? In what bowl?
Mum: This one
Me: Oh.. its.. insence.
Mum: Insence? It doesn't smell like insence..
Me: That's cause I lit a match to light it so it smells a bit weird.
Mum: Oh well.. we'll talk about this tomorow. Go to bed now.

Gawwwd that was a close break.
HA no offence but shes a little bit brown haired (not blonde Ailish :) ) if she seriously thought that was insence.
But oh well, at least she believed it :/

How ironic.

Um bored now and the Ball family are coming round to visit my mum so she has me running around the house, tidying up and cleaning to pretend we live in a house that is actualy clean.. HA. But seriously that smoking thing with my mum fucking scared me and I'm gonna quit smoking soon lol.

ANAL

You're such a beautiful freak, I wish there were more like you.. You're not like all the others..

I'm in my room right now and feeling sad :/ I thought I'd just leave a message to a lot of people out there that I've hurt because of my stupid actions.. so here it goes..

I'm sorry for being such a cold, heartless bitch.
I've lied,
I've cheated on boys.. one in particular that I care so much for and loved so fucking much then tried to blame it all on alcohol+drugs and the guy (Who am I kidding? I should learn to say no..), I've backstabbed my friends,
I've bitched about people who look highly of me and are nice to me,
I've done stupid things to make boys like me,
I've lied about things to turn people against someone,
I've laughed at people who trust me enough with their problems/secrets,
I've been very untrustworthy..
And to be honest, before now..
I haven't cared.
Sadly this is part of the real me and my friends deserve better, maybe I shouldn't move back to Bexhill.. less people would get hurt that way.

Confessions:

Oscar-
I'm so sorry. I've cheated on you when I promised I wouldn't.. Obviously Jorge and Matt were right about me. I'm sorry that they were. I cheated on you in the worst possible way with someone and then lied about it to you.. and you still forgave me. You were right. You were a cunt to still like me. You really do deserve someone who wont cheat on you or lie to you. I'm sorry. I love you.

Hannah-
I'm sorry for being a bad friend and not believeing you at time with your secrets and such. I'm sorry for leaving you in St Richards to go to another group.. all because I fancied a guy in it. I'm sorry for leaving you when you've always stuck by me. I'm sorry for not taking the good advice you've given me.. I should have listened. I'm sorry for fighting with you and telling you I didn't need you. I do need you. Always have, always will. You deserve better.

Nikita-
I'll admit it. I have bitched about you. Mostly at the fact that I didn't see you as much as I wanted to when I came down. I'm so sorry. You deserve a better friend then me.

Lisa-
You've been nothing but nice to me.. yet I still bitched about you. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I wish I could take back what I said. I'm sorry.

Nathan-
You are an amazing guy. You're always so loyal to me and I honestly trust you with my life. I can't believe you still treat me so well and are still so nice to me after I've treated you like shit and said horrible things about you. I'm sorry I was a bad friend and a bad girlfriend. You're a great guy and you need to give yourself more credit for that. You also deserve better.

Parents-
I'm sorry I'm such a bad daughter. I've stolen money off you lots of times and you still forgive me. I make Jacobs life hell because in all honesty.. I truly hate him. I hate the way he's different. I hate the way he's overweight and the fact that he has Aspergers. It just makes me wish I had a normal brother and I'm sorry for that. And even through all that.. you still manage to love me. I'm sorry I take drugs, smoke and drink a lot. I'm sorry I lie to you about smoking and I'm sorry I smoke around Gracie.. putting her life at risk too. I treat you like shit yet you always forgive me. I'm sorry I'm here living instead of Joshua. I'm sure he would have been a much better child then me. He deserved to live, I don't :/ I'm so fucking sorry even though I don't show it :(

Tanya+Sabina-
I'm sorry I've believed Anthony over you at times.. I should have believed you. You've always been loyal to me and I never return that favour. I'm sorry, you can do better then me.

Anthony-
I'm sorry for what I just said. And I'm sorry for bitching about you. I wish you'd go back to how you used to be.. and I'm sorry for also saying that too.

Josh-
I'm sorry for being a bad girlfriend to you too.. I cheated on you with 5 different guys.. in both the times we dated.. I'm sorry I didn't push them away. I'm sorry for hurting you and talking about Oscar a lot when we were still kinda dating.. Sorry :(

Tim-
I'm sorry for blaming my cheating on Oscar all on you. It was both our fault. Sorry for then cheating on you with Oscar again.. It seems I can only screw up relationships.

Ailish-
I'm sorry for bitching about you so much to people. And I wish you'd hang around with Hannah more again. Hanging with those new people aren't good for you.. You've also changed and I'm sorry to say that. I still love you Ailish and I'm sorry for ever hurting you.

Sam-
I'm sorry you're such a dick. You tried to make me cheat on Oscar and when I pushed you away you went and told everyone I tried it on with you.. Thanks.

Matt-
Sorry for telling the truth and hurting you. I shouldn't have told you that stuff.. especially since it hurt Oscar too. I trusted you and you let me down, but I still can't stop being your friend because you're such a nice person.


I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt. You can hate me once you've read this and I'll understand. I just wish you wouldn't.

I'm so alone.. here on my own.. (8)

Lifes pretty screwed up at the moment lol.
I'm so god damn lonely in Cheltenham and things just seem to suck.
I've realised what a bad person I am lately and I kinda want to change.. half of me can't be asked cause I'll always have lazy Amy inside me :P But the rest of me wants to stop being so slutty and disloyal.
I WILL change! But untill then.. I shall continue living my life in sadness and continious alcohol consumption :) What big words right?


And oh, before I start blogging more.. heres a very attractive picture of one of my best mates Hannah :) I told you I'd put it on my blog :P

Lmao I love this girl!

She's always been there for me no matter what I've done :) She even offers to help me roll fags when she hates me smoking.. what a true friend :D Love you!



So anyways, I went to Spain on holiday and it was hot. Very hot. I ate pretzels and gained weight. Lifes a bitch! Or is it karma? Well that doesn't matter. What matters is I have to lose this weight! But yeah.. like I said earlier I'll change later.. too lazy right now xD

My dad got the most awesome sun burns on holiday.. because he's fat (ha) when he sits down his fat rolls over! And.. How about I stop describing and show you the pictures? Yeah, that sounds good ^.^
















And yes. My dad is a complete retard lmao.
Oh and it was my Mums 40th birthday on the 20th August.. Happy birthday her :) She hit 40 yet she really doesn't look it :D


The best songs ever:
Forever- Papa Roach
Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off- Panic! at The Disco (When they were actualy good..)
Your love is a lie- Simple Plan
Date Rape- Sublime
When Two Are One- Atreyu
57- Biffy Clyro


They're the best songs ever cause they're actualy the odd couple of songs that I can never get tired of listening to :)


Likes at the moment:
My new purple skinnies!
Looking like an emo :)
Cigarettes
My rats! I'm not scared to hold them again! :D
How nice my friends can be :)


Hates:
Guys who are players
Guys who are cocky
Guys who lie to you and say they'll help you when they turn someone against you
(Hannah will know who that guy is >.>)
Parents !
Cheltenham :(
Being lonely
Headaches !
Nearly running out of backy !


Oh how interesting my life is.
Anyone want a bagel?
Though I've never actualy liked bagels, I think they're quite gross tbh. They're real rubbery and they taste like.. bread.
I like pretzels though.. me and Hannah went to Chellyham town and we bought those big pretzels you get. Was the first time I had a big pretzel.. they're awesome! ^.^
And so are my new pink skinnies.


I really want a job.. but who's going to hire a moody, arrogant, little emo kid with no work experience? ...McDonalds! I don't really care about working at McDonalds.. even though it's apparently the worst job in the world.. it cant be that bad if you get free food ;)


I have such a headache.. and the rats wont stfu.. I saw them humping a while ago O_o Greaat more rat babies. Oh when are my parents going to bed? I want a cigarette.


Oh and I have another holiday quote.. guess I'll quote one per day.
You know in other countries when people advertise their bars and restaraunts by getting people to run up to you in the street and say stuff like 'Are you guys eating out tonight? You should come to this restaraunt!' yeah anyways heres what happened..
*People run up to me and my family in the street and ask us to come to their restaraunt*
Me: *After a couple of people I turn to my dad and say* It's like people are finally talking to me!! :D


Yeah.. it's funny when it happened lol..
And now um..
Bai.

As dust dances :/

Sorry I haven't been blogging a lot lately- had a lot of stuff going on :)
But anyways.. the holidays are nearly over!
After they end I think an anti booze/fag detox is in order.. but I still have like 10 days left ;)

I really can't be bothered to write that much..
Went on holiday to Spain and it was fun..
Heres some quotes from me and my family..

Dad: (Talking about my baby sisters seatbelt) Is it in yet?
Me: Yeah, I bet you hear that a lot

(In the car)
Mum: Can you hear that?! Shh! Do you hear those cricket bugs?
Me: Yeah I can hear them
Dad: But it's..
Mum: Sh! Listen!
Dad: *Turns off engine* Oh no they've gone!
*Turns engine back on* Oh! Our little friends have come back!
*Turns off engine again* Aww and now they're gone again
(It doesn't sound funny there but he rinsed the piss outta my mum LOL)
((Oh, and the car engine was crap so it made weird noises which sounded like cricket bugs.. lol))

You know what? I can't be fucked cause it's 03:01AM exactly and I'm bloody tired!
I'll write the rest tomorow!

I'll get over you, I know I will. I'll pretend my ships not sinking.. and I'll tell myself 'I'm over you!' Cause I'm the king of wishfull thinking'

Yeah, me and Oscar broke up.
Feel depressed for me :)

xx

Big Girls Don't Cry.. Usually..

Heyy :)
Well my holiday in Bexhill finished :(
Time to be depressed again !
But I'm not blogging about my depressiveness xD
Hannahs sister Carolann has a friend called Chloe (who I've never met before) who's read my blog and she thought it was so sad she actualy cried :O
If Chloe's reading this.. please don't cry! lol
I don't want people getting sad over my writing I want to make people smile!
I'm obviously not doing such a good job :P
But yeah, sorry for making you cry lol.
xXx :)

Love Buzz

Since now it’s the summer holidays I guess I’ll blog about my holidays :) I haven’t got any bloody thing else to do! Since I didn’t get any homework at my new school (woot!) I suppose this could be like, a project for me? :)

Well, the first week of my holiday was spent moping inside, doing nothing and being depressed (rule of 3; Mrs Leggatt would be proud ;) ).

The 2nd week? SO much better :) Okay, so it’s only been 2 days of the 2nd week.. but it’s already so awesome! I went back down to Bexhill as you may have known.. and so far I love it! Gawd I miss Bexhill so much.. It makes me sad to think how I never appreciated how nice the beach and the sea is.. and how great my friends are. I really did take Bexhill and it’s people for granted.

Hopefully I can be a much better friend now to my old and new friends!

So, I set off for Bexhill on Saturday and I arrived there at about 4pm. I know I said I was on the 2nd week but it’s basically the 2nd week.. lol. Anyways, the first person I met up with is one of the most important people in the world to me, Hannah Louise Fred Wilson :) She’s seriously like a bitchier, bossier and older sister to me.. even though she’s younger than me :P If she’s reading this (Which she isn’t because she bravely admitted to me she couldn’t be bothered with reading blogs :P) then I want her to know that I love her so fucking much and that I seriously couldn’t live without her! I mean, who would straighten my hair when I have really bad hair days?!

After I met with Hannah (Oh, and her boyfriend/my fuck buddy Jack was there too.. please note he’s not seriously my fuck buddy.. :P), I met up with Oscar :) Oscar is another person who I seriously would hate to live without.. he’s seriously such a great guy. He’s so perfect and he could do much better than me and why is he with me? I’ll never know either! But I won’t turn this into some emo blog about how my boyfriend would probably cheat on me and how he could get much hotter girls :P I doubt he’s also reading this too.. because I told him not to EVER read my blog again! But if he is, he should know.. STOP READING MY BLOG, and I love you so much Oscar :) I’ve never felt this way about someone before and I really don’t what I’m going to do when we’re apart again :(

Then we hung about, made out with our boyfriends, I gave Oscar a hicky (lol xD), Hannah and Jack walked home together and then me and Oscar waited for our parents to pick us up together (aha, aren’t we wild?). I met up with Hannah and Shannon the next day and we went shopping.. then later we met up with Oscar again. We went to the beach :) And fuck, are there enough foreign people?! And I’m not even joking, they ALL stared at Hannah’s tits and Shannon’s ass. I just sit there thinking, yeah nothing unusual here then. Them 2 getting checked out and me getting ignored.. but I’m used to it :P hehe.

Me and Oscar got stared at a lot.. he looks like a girl from behind because he has long hair (LOL), so everyone thought we were lesbians lmao. They kept looking round when me and Oscar were kissing, I ended up shouting ‘He’s a guy! He has a dick!’. And to prove that point, I grabbed it.. which hurt him quite a bit hehe.

More things happened and it made me even more in love with Oscar, I’m so heartbroken I’ve found a guy like him and then I had to move like 3 million miles away from him! Karmas a bitch! And now I’m sitting here while my parents are out, with a bottle of wine and loud music ;) I love Bexhill so much.. even if I did get totally burnt :P

Oh yeah, I went out today with loooads of people too hehe. To the beach.. and I lost my camera! :D And that’s why I’m burnt ;) No not the camera, the sun. Oh great the parents and twat face is back.. twat face being my fugly brother :P My holiday at Haven ends tomorrow! Yeah I stayed at Haven for like.. 3 days J It was awesome! I had a sleepover and me, Hannah and Shannon (who were sleeping over) went to the club at night. We mainly took the piss out of the people who were acting in the shows.. and then we stared at the hot bartenders.. we asked ourselves how the HELL we hadn’t seen these gorgeous guys before!

Please note, we’re extremely happy with our boyfriends and we all love them so much :)

Sorry this is turning into an essay.. wasn’t really planning on writing this much but hey, it’s something to do.

Sabina looked so beautiful today when I saw her. Sorry for sounding like a lesbian.. hehe. She has the most amazing tan, she’s really pretty and she has a great figure. I’m so jealous of her hehe.. but even with her amazing looks and such, she’s still such a nice person.. and I’m so proud of her for that :)

Holy shit.. it’s fucking raining so hard here! Where’d the sun go?! It was kinda weird actually.. Stan by Dido and Eminem came on while I was writing and then it rained! (Ironic because there’s rain noises in the song).

At the moment, I love life! Great boyfriend, great friends, great hair colour!

Well I’m sleepy and full of popcorn so I’m gonna stop writing now. If any of my friends take the time to read this then thank you for being such amazing friends and you really don’t have to read this hehe. It’s more of a boredom solver/stress relief project for me :) I love you all so much!